Jump to content


Photo

No pun intended


  • Please log in to reply
21 replies to this topic

#1 G&C

G&C

    33rd degree Lean and pouty

  • Jockeys
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,895 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:West & North of Valhalla
  • Interests:Yes

Posted 06 November 2009 - 08:59 AM

The ability to make and understand puns is the highest level of language development. Here are the ten first place winners in the International Pun Contest: 1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.' 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!' 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.' 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. 'But why?' they asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!' 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to Spain ; they named him 'Juan'. The other went to a family in Egypt and was named 'Ahmal'. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal. 8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry Payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town, to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent floris friars. 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good!) 'super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis'. 10. And finally... there was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Edited by G&C, 06 November 2009 - 09:05 AM.

"It never was about absinthe anyway" - artemis 1/16/2015


#2 G&C

G&C

    33rd degree Lean and pouty

  • Jockeys
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,895 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:West & North of Valhalla
  • Interests:Yes

Posted 06 November 2009 - 09:04 AM

It really sucks that it won't hold the format. Makes it real hard to read.

"It never was about absinthe anyway" - artemis 1/16/2015


#3 LaLaLair

LaLaLair

    Rookie

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 70 posts
  • Location: the Pacifique Northwest

Posted 06 November 2009 - 09:18 AM

That was a great start to my morning and I am chasing my absinthe with coffee this morning.
Little puppet made of pine, awake. The gift of life is thine.

#4 Caravano

Caravano

    Rookie

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 85 posts
  • Gender:Male

Posted 06 November 2009 - 11:09 AM

Caffeine is bad for you.
Sumpon

#5 TheGreenOne

TheGreenOne

    The VerteScum

  • Jockeys
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 8,677 posts

Posted 06 November 2009 - 11:20 AM

I was sorry to find out that the Swedish slut really meant it's over.

shuck and jive is an important skill

 

I cannot play music on an infinite keyboard.


#6 Bognoz

Bognoz

    Tea Bro

  • Jockeys
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 7,311 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Deep in the hologram
  • Interests:Ennui fascinates me.

Posted 06 November 2009 - 01:43 PM

Wall o'werdz.
Weirdz me out.
Pretty animal doesn't trust you,
unless you prepare a great hot chocolate.

#7 Wild Bill Turkey

Wild Bill Turkey

    Mild Swill Gobbler

  • Jockeys
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 890 posts
  • Location:the Bayarrhea
  • Interests:My Interest ( Check Length )

Posted 06 November 2009 - 02:40 PM

Worth the effort. Favorite > If you seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.
It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's just fun.

#8 Bognoz

Bognoz

    Tea Bro

  • Jockeys
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 7,311 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Deep in the hologram
  • Interests:Ennui fascinates me.

Posted 06 November 2009 - 04:31 PM

Nothing keeps me
from a groaner.

Still
...™
Pretty animal doesn't trust you,
unless you prepare a great hot chocolate.

#9 G&C

G&C

    33rd degree Lean and pouty

  • Jockeys
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,895 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:West & North of Valhalla
  • Interests:Yes

Posted 06 November 2009 - 10:06 PM

The Viet....

Oh never mind.

"It never was about absinthe anyway" - artemis 1/16/2015


#10 TheGreenOne

TheGreenOne

    The VerteScum

  • Jockeys
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 8,677 posts

Posted 01 December 2009 - 08:57 AM

A product that doesn't matter.

Attached Files


shuck and jive is an important skill

 

I cannot play music on an infinite keyboard.


#11 Bognoz

Bognoz

    Tea Bro

  • Jockeys
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 7,311 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Deep in the hologram
  • Interests:Ennui fascinates me.

Posted 01 December 2009 - 10:09 AM

I can almost taste
the coriander.
Pretty animal doesn't trust you,
unless you prepare a great hot chocolate.

#12 TheGreenOne

TheGreenOne

    The VerteScum

  • Jockeys
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 8,677 posts

Posted 01 December 2009 - 10:11 AM

Since they don't know how to make absinthe, they figured they may as well also not know how to make gin.

shuck and jive is an important skill

 

I cannot play music on an infinite keyboard.


#13 Wild Bill Turkey

Wild Bill Turkey

    Mild Swill Gobbler

  • Jockeys
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 890 posts
  • Location:the Bayarrhea
  • Interests:My Interest ( Check Length )

Posted 01 December 2009 - 10:25 AM

It's formulated especially with cocktails in mind.
It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's just fun.

#14 TheGreenOne

TheGreenOne

    The VerteScum

  • Jockeys
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 8,677 posts

Posted 01 December 2009 - 10:38 AM

Does it come in a wood box?

shuck and jive is an important skill

 

I cannot play music on an infinite keyboard.


#15 Bognoz

Bognoz

    Tea Bro

  • Jockeys
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 7,311 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Deep in the hologram
  • Interests:Ennui fascinates me.

Posted 01 December 2009 - 10:59 AM

You mean, like his
pizza customers like?
Pretty animal doesn't trust you,
unless you prepare a great hot chocolate.

#16 Absomphe

Absomphe

    Fucking Tardo for Life

  • Horses Asses - A Horses Ass
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,602 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Egypt
  • Interests:Antiques of all kinds.

Posted 01 December 2009 - 03:07 PM

Does it come in a wood box?


Perhaps, butt I'm sure it won't give you any.
To the bar, for flaming Hills enemas!

#17 Grim

Grim

    Señor Insignificant Ass

  • Jockeys
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 655 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Solo Rec.
  • Interests:Absinthe.

Posted 05 December 2009 - 06:47 AM

The Viet....

Oh never mind.

... super-callused, fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis...

HA!
It was always the becoming he dreamed of, never the being...

#18 G&C

G&C

    33rd degree Lean and pouty

  • Jockeys
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,895 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:West & North of Valhalla
  • Interests:Yes

Posted 05 December 2009 - 06:49 AM

When did you become a mystic?

"It never was about absinthe anyway" - artemis 1/16/2015


#19 G&C

G&C

    33rd degree Lean and pouty

  • Jockeys
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,895 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:West & North of Valhalla
  • Interests:Yes

Posted 21 December 2011 - 12:51 PM

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him
and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

"It never was about absinthe anyway" - artemis 1/16/2015


#20 G&C

G&C

    33rd degree Lean and pouty

  • Jockeys
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,895 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:West & North of Valhalla
  • Interests:Yes

Posted 21 December 2011 - 12:52 PM

Two hydrogen atoms meet.. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other
says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.

"It never was about absinthe anyway" - artemis 1/16/2015


#21 G&C

G&C

    33rd degree Lean and pouty

  • Jockeys
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,895 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:West & North of Valhalla
  • Interests:Yes

Posted 21 December 2011 - 12:56 PM

The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

"It never was about absinthe anyway" - artemis 1/16/2015


#22 G&C

G&C

    33rd degree Lean and pouty

  • Jockeys
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,895 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:West & North of Valhalla
  • Interests:Yes

Posted 21 December 2011 - 12:56 PM

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

"It never was about absinthe anyway" - artemis 1/16/2015





0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users