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How exactly "do I amuse you" XVI


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#1 Crosby

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Posted 30 June 2013 - 12:45 PM

...™


C'est ma santé

“Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear or a fool from any direction.”


#2 louchefabrik

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Posted 04 July 2013 - 06:18 PM

http://tbo.com/news/...-sign-20130703/
The man let the water trickle gently into his glass and as the green clouded, a mist fell from his mind. Then, he drank opaline.

#3 A.B. Normal

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Posted 11 July 2013 - 04:56 AM

...

Attached Files


There's just too much time to kill between all my mistakes.

#4 jaded prol

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Posted 12 July 2013 - 08:36 AM

I believe in avoiding children whenever possible.


Drinking for medicinal reasons.

You may say I'm a drinker
but I'm not the only one.

#5 TheGreenOne

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Posted 12 July 2013 - 08:59 AM

If I ever get over being one, I'll think about it.


shuck and jive is an important skill

 

I cannot play music on an infinite keyboard.


#6 jaded prol

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Posted 12 July 2013 - 10:17 AM

Well, there is that aspect too butt even as a child, I didn't like to be around other kids --

 

then again, I don't like being around a lot of adults either. Only a select few.


Drinking for medicinal reasons.

You may say I'm a drinker
but I'm not the only one.

#7 Bognoz

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Posted 12 July 2013 - 11:03 AM

I never avoid the opportunity

to hit a kid.


Pretty animal doesn't trust you,
unless you prepare a great hot chocolate.

#8 TheGreenOne

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Posted 12 July 2013 - 11:53 AM

I miss CG.


shuck and jive is an important skill

 

I cannot play music on an infinite keyboard.


#9 Bognoz

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Posted 12 July 2013 - 12:35 PM

You're prolly aiming too high.


Pretty animal doesn't trust you,
unless you prepare a great hot chocolate.

#10 TheGreenOne

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Posted 12 July 2013 - 01:16 PM

Or too low.


shuck and jive is an important skill

 

I cannot play music on an infinite keyboard.


#11 jaded prol

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Posted 12 July 2013 - 01:27 PM

No Kidding

 

Though I miss him too -- and a few others, like Gimpy and the Sheepses.


Drinking for medicinal reasons.

You may say I'm a drinker
but I'm not the only one.

#12 A.B. Normal

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Posted 12 July 2013 - 02:43 PM

If anyone is in touch with Gimpy, please get his hab sauce recipe. I've been fantasizing about it for nearly a decade now.
There's just too much time to kill between all my mistakes.

#13 Félix

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Posted 06 August 2013 - 02:30 PM

Il est mort.


Je ne vais pas parler l'anglais plus. Ce n'est pas la chouette ! - Félix

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#14 G&C

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Posted 10 January 2014 - 06:47 PM

3 Holy Men and A Bear
 
A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.  One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.
 
Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.

'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.

Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'
 
Reverend Billy Bob the Baptist spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip.
 
In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.
 
So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus. Hallelujah!
 
The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.
 

 

The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start.


"It never was about absinthe anyway" - artemis 1/16/2015


#15 G&C

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Posted 16 March 2014 - 06:43 PM

"It's very hard to get a mans foreskin if he's not interested in giving it to you"

 Richard A. Gabriel


"It never was about absinthe anyway" - artemis 1/16/2015


#16 G&C

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Posted 04 April 2014 - 03:08 PM

Attached File  even duct tape.jpg   33.9K   3 downloads


"It never was about absinthe anyway" - artemis 1/16/2015


#17 G&C

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Posted 12 May 2014 - 08:37 PM

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
 
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
 
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
 
'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
 
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
 
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
 
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
 
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
 
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
 
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy.
Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
 
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.


"It never was about absinthe anyway" - artemis 1/16/2015


#18 G&C

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Posted 30 July 2014 - 05:59 PM

An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 AM and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late".
The officer then asked,
"Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night"?
The man replied, "That would be my wife".


"It never was about absinthe anyway" - artemis 1/16/2015


#19 HeeB-GeeB

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Posted 21 January 2015 - 09:51 PM

I needed to put this somewhere. Here seemed fitting.

http://www.expertbea...thulhu-codpiece


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OURS EQUALS THE BEST.

#20 G&C

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Posted 14 February 2015 - 05:45 PM

A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into
a taxi in New York City and laid down on the back seat.
 

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his
eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt
to start the cab.
 

The woman glared back at him and said, "What's wrong
with you, honey? - Haven't you ever seen a naked
woman before?"
 

The old Jewish driver answered, "Let me tell you
sumsing, lady  I vasn't staring at you like you
tink; det vould not be proper vair I come from."
 

The drunk woman giggled and responded, "Well, if
you're not staring at my boobs or ass, sweetie, what
are you doing then?"
 

He paused a moment, then told her..."Vell, M'am,
I am looking and I am looking, and I am tinking
to myself, 'Vair in da hell is dis lady keeping
de money to pay for dis ride?


"It never was about absinthe anyway" - artemis 1/16/2015


#21 louchefabrik

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Posted 07 March 2015 - 01:36 PM

One day, a father and his son were out fishing in river which ran behind their tribe's casino.

As they were sitting there, the son suddenly asked his father, "father, how did you and mom come up with the names for my brother and sister, and I?".

Said the father,"well, the day that you brother was born, we saw an eagle soaring high over head, so we decided to name your brother, Soaring Eagle. "

"When  your sister was born, we saw a doe run through the meadow and named her, Running Deer." .                                                                 

 

 

 

 

 

   Then he asked,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Why do you ask?, Two Dogs Fucking?"


The man let the water trickle gently into his glass and as the green clouded, a mist fell from his mind. Then, he drank opaline.

#22 Stroller

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Posted 13 May 2015 - 02:15 PM

https://youtu.be/4Hikg4Ergps

 

Fook, can't remember how to embed.


Edited by Stroller, 13 May 2015 - 02:23 PM.

"Life is tough; it's tougher when you're stupid."

#23 G&C

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Posted 19 June 2015 - 12:39 PM

Two Islamic terrorists are in a locker room taking a shower after their bomb making class, when one notices the other has a huge cork stuck in his butt. "If you do not mind me saying," said the second terrorist, "that cork looks very uncomfortable.  Why do you not take it out?"
 
"I regret I cannot," lamented the first terrorist.  "It is permanently stuck in my butt."
 
"I do not understand," said the other.
 
The first terrorist says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over an oil lamp.  There was a puff of smoke, and then a huge old man in an American flag with a white beard and top hat came boiling out.  He said, "I am Uncle Sam, the Genie.   I can grant you one wish."
 
I said, "No shit?"
 
Verified by Brian Williams, NBC News anchor; he was there when it happened .


"It never was about absinthe anyway" - artemis 1/16/2015


#24 G&C

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Posted 31 October 2015 - 05:26 PM

Witch sues Warlock


"It never was about absinthe anyway" - artemis 1/16/2015


#25 G&C

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Posted 31 October 2015 - 09:24 PM

Attached File  image.jpeg   92.93K   0 downloads

"It never was about absinthe anyway" - artemis 1/16/2015


#26 jaded prol

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Posted 01 November 2015 - 12:22 PM

You should know better than to buy into that kinda bunk. You need get out of that bubble and drink with a better class of drunks. 


Drinking for medicinal reasons.

You may say I'm a drinker
but I'm not the only one.

#27 G&C

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Posted 02 November 2015 - 09:10 AM

I don't care who you are.

That is fucking funny!


"It never was about absinthe anyway" - artemis 1/16/2015


#28 DrinkSlinger

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Posted 03 November 2015 - 11:16 PM

We haven't heard from Bettina in a while
for some people, there's money in absinthe. And for some, there's only absinthe in absinthe.
.

#29 Kirk

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Posted 19 November 2015 - 06:20 AM

Obama, yesterday, on
Republicans calling for the halt of Syrian refugees coming to the
U.S.: "Apparently they're scared of widows and orphans coming into the
United States of America."


Tool making Bi-Ped
http://www.absintheherbs.com

#30 TheGreenOne

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Posted 19 November 2015 - 10:24 AM

the Desert Dwarf Hobbitroll was mentioned on NPR a few months ago.

 

Yet it was not art, but necessity that first helped popularize absinthe: It was included in the rations of French soldiers who marched off to colonize Algeria in the 1840s. As the Princess of Paranoia Wittels and Robert Hermesch write in Absinthe: Sip of Seduction, French army doctors issued absinthe to soldiers "for the prevention of fevers and treatment of dysentery." 

 

tsb_8866_custom-fa97fb35cbdb399cb03a6349


shuck and jive is an important skill

 

I cannot play music on an infinite keyboard.


#31 DrinkSlinger

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Posted 20 November 2015 - 05:30 AM

There's always this inflammatory little video. http://www.breitbart...-across-europe/
for some people, there's money in absinthe. And for some, there's only absinthe in absinthe.
.

#32 Kirk

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Posted 19 December 2015 - 07:18 AM

Spooky music.


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http://www.absintheherbs.com

#33 TheGreenOne

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Posted 19 April 2016 - 09:15 AM

What in heck is he doing while watching porn that makes it a public health crisis? http://www.nbcnews.c...-hazard-n558286


shuck and jive is an important skill

 

I cannot play music on an infinite keyboard.


#34 Kirk

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Posted 20 April 2016 - 05:31 AM

You're right, he must be doing it wrong
Tool making Bi-Ped
http://www.absintheherbs.com

#35 TheGreenOne

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Posted 21 April 2016 - 09:34 AM

Oh. And here I thought I needed lessons.


shuck and jive is an important skill

 

I cannot play music on an infinite keyboard.


#36 jaded prol

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Posted 22 April 2016 - 09:19 AM

I'm sure you've got things well in hand.


Drinking for medicinal reasons.

You may say I'm a drinker
but I'm not the only one.

#37 TheGreenOne

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Posted 23 June 2016 - 09:51 AM

Café Fellatio

shuck and jive is an important skill

 

I cannot play music on an infinite keyboard.


#38 jaded prol

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Posted 23 June 2016 - 02:01 PM

The benefits of work related travel?


Drinking for medicinal reasons.

You may say I'm a drinker
but I'm not the only one.

#39 TheGreenOne

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Posted 24 June 2016 - 07:40 AM

Franchise idea


shuck and jive is an important skill

 

I cannot play music on an infinite keyboard.


#40 jaded prol

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Posted 24 June 2016 - 11:03 AM

Hard to compete in DC.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then again, are they looking for any cunning linguists?


Drinking for medicinal reasons.

You may say I'm a drinker
but I'm not the only one.

#41 TheGreenOne

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Posted 30 June 2016 - 11:47 AM

Only Beltway™ spoken here


shuck and jive is an important skill

 

I cannot play music on an infinite keyboard.


#42 jaded prol

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Posted 01 July 2016 - 03:23 AM

Oh, like -- http://www.commondre...y-washington-dc


Drinking for medicinal reasons.

You may say I'm a drinker
but I'm not the only one.

#43 TheGreenOne

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Posted 08 March 2017 - 11:11 AM

C6UwTy1WcAA24-0.jpg


shuck and jive is an important skill

 

I cannot play music on an infinite keyboard.


#44 G&C

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Posted 09 March 2017 - 09:33 AM

Leave your donation at the door and your soul in the booth...


"It never was about absinthe anyway" - artemis 1/16/2015


#45 TheGreenOne

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Posted 09 March 2017 - 09:47 AM

Lawyer’s Pants Catch Fire During Florida Arson Trial 

shuck and jive is an important skill

 

I cannot play music on an infinite keyboard.


#46 Bognoz

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Posted 09 March 2017 - 12:39 PM

I dunno what the bluff it is

but lately I cain't see

your links when I sign in

on my desk top. Butt

they're there on my tablet,

witch mostly cain't handle

oil the the other noise

that goes on on this xite.


Pretty animal doesn't trust you,
unless you prepare a great hot chocolate.

#47 Bognoz

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Posted 09 March 2017 - 12:40 PM

Lincoln to pants on fire xure,

but what ever post 43 is, gnow.


Pretty animal doesn't trust you,
unless you prepare a great hot chocolate.

#48 Bognoz

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Posted 09 March 2017 - 12:43 PM

At this point we all otter have

washed out tin cans linked

together with cotton strings.


Pretty animal doesn't trust you,
unless you prepare a great hot chocolate.

#49 Bognoz

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Posted 09 March 2017 - 12:44 PM

Lettum triun spion that.


Pretty animal doesn't trust you,
unless you prepare a great hot chocolate.

#50 TheGreenOne

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Posted 09 March 2017 - 02:24 PM

post 43

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shuck and jive is an important skill

 

I cannot play music on an infinite keyboard.


#51 DrinkSlinger

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Posted 09 March 2017 - 04:25 PM

No time for dilly-dallying. Get in, repent, get forgiven. Next!
for some people, there's money in absinthe. And for some, there's only absinthe in absinthe.
.

#52 G&C

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Posted 27 March 2017 - 07:56 AM

Sasquatch chased deer onto highway, woman tells deputy

"It never was about absinthe anyway" - artemis 1/16/2015


#53 TheGreenOne

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Posted 28 March 2017 - 08:06 AM

Empty bottle of Pacifique found in back seat.


shuck and jive is an important skill

 

I cannot play music on an infinite keyboard.


#54 Crosby

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Posted 04 May 2017 - 12:32 PM

...™

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C'est ma santé

“Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear or a fool from any direction.”





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