Inspired by Peeps post from the Average Joe thread ('I just love your approach.
Let's see your departure'):


For me, it was my first semester at college and some new Navy boys were visiting a neighbor of mine. They came wandering over to my place as I was about to leave for a play with a friend. One of the guys, very drunk, looked at me and said, "Wow, you're the most beautiful girl I've seen in two weeks."

I laughed all the way to the theater.

"Are you into Shakespear? I am."

I think he was trying to make me think he wasn't just after sex.

Do you have any German in you?…Want some?

"In case you forgot. The old chatroom still functions."

I watched a (he seems kind of dorky at first, but once you get to know him you realize he is actually incredibly smooth) friend semi-succesfully(he didn't take her home or anything, but she seemed amused and kept chatting) pull of a variation of that one:

"Are you Jewish?"
"No."
"Would you like to be?"



Greeneyes:

Peeps -


On the subject:
"Want to see my penis?"
"Is that your hair? I mean, is it real? I mean, the color 'cause it would still be pretty, even if it wasn't real"
"You look like that lady, um, um, Be-tty... Be-tty...Ford, that's it, Be-tty Ford!" (back when I had the Be-tty Page black hair & bangs 'do)

These would fall under the catagory of "Bungling, drunk and unsuccessful pick-up lines".

Damn, you must be a parking ticket...

Cuz, you've got FINE written all over you

I usually just break their feet so they can't run.

After you've blinded the poor dears with your shirts?

I take the "bust their ballz" approach... in fact, the hotter they are, the more I bust their ballz.

"Wow, it must be windy out there, your hair is all over the place"

"Pssst, the 80's called, they want their look back"

" 'scuse me, can I ask you something.... my friend over there is positive the shoes you're wearing are a perfect match for the outfit you've got on, I look at them and laugh. Can you at least tell me what the hell you were thinking"?

My favorite were when I was living in New Orleans. Those people have NO shame whatsoever.

The most memorable:

"I want you to make me miserable in my old age."

"I want to fuck your hair."

"You scare me."

and "You're one sexy mother fucker." and he gave me his Hooters tshirt. Off his back. I still have it.


Charming, no?

Heheh. That is totally how I got heady_p. I said "wanna chat?" and he was a goner.

Or is that "gonner"? Sixela? Can you weigh in on this?

The flowers and volcanos hypnotize them.

can you help me find my lost puppy? i saw him walk into that sleazy hotel.

Yeah -- so do I.

Unfortunately, that's not always successful (as in: fails 98% of the time), although if you *do* pick up someone you'll probably not immediately wish you hadn't (in fact, those I did pick up all had to pry my cold, not-yet-dead fingers from 'em, except the one that didn't want me to write my dissertation project).

Over the years, I found the proportion of even intelligent women falling for the more syrupy approach quite mind-boggling. That's what taught me women were quite different (as some of the pick-up lines I've heard other males utter would have resulted in instantly injured genitalia if I'd been a woman at the receiving end).

The ballz-busting approach also seems to work a lot better with women older than the early twenties (probably because they've had too much syrup poured over them over the years and appreciate the change) -- so it's hardly something I'd do again if I were 16.

Makes me wonder why I never learned to compromise. Though I must admit I've mellowed with age.

He's a goner indeed.

I'd tell them (when I was single of course) "There is not a woman out there who could make me cheat on my honey." "I have a little woman at home , she's just about this big, and I love her like no other." When that started to get to them I'd say : " You don't want to sleep with me , my dicks only about this long : [ ] but then again , it's this wide

[---------------------------- ] .

Parhaps that's what attracted me to Argentine tango: a social setting that doesn't require a pick-up line.

Look at woman. She looks back at you. You beckon. You dance. You don't utter a word while you dance a tanda (usually three 3 minute songs).

[I'm glossing over the fact that it takes at least three to five years to get to dance well. Learning pick-up lines may be faster, but it's a lot less enjoyable]

Of course, it doesn't work in the US, where you actually have to walk over to the lady and ask her if she dances, but the pick-up line is safely standardised and the response will not depend one bit on the way it's uttered once you've had a few dances.

The only "problem" is that once you get to enjoy dancing, you'll start beckoning the enjoyable dancers, not the hot ones.

Just hope the intersection of the sets is not the null set, and take comfort in the fact that those picking only the hot dancers regardless of skill (and then go on to stick like glue) are easily spotted by the ladies, and so are handsome but less accomplished dancers.

Doesn't work once you've obviously become a pathetic fuck looking to latch onto a lay, though, as you'll stick out like a sore thumb as well -- so start early in life.

PengFuckinWaffle - After that last post, I somehow suddenly like that nick - Is 24 too late to learn to dance?

"Do you like to dance... Good, go off and dance so I can talk to your friend here"

I just look at em and lick my eyebrows.

Not at all, though I'd hesitate to recommend anything *but* Argentine tango. The beauty of that dance is that it's totally improvised; there are really no set steps.

In a former life, I did dabble in ballroom Latin, and you really want to stay away from that.

Tango is a social dance, at least outside of classes. You're not *supposed* to be dancing more than a few tandas with the same leader or follower unless you're *really* enjoying yourself, so you do get your chance to experience all kinds of folk.

Which means it's all about leading and following. Luckily for women, leading is the easier part *when you start*, as the leaders have to worry about their own frame, the connection with their partner and the music and try to juggle with all of that to weave a pattern of steps. The follower can just relax and go with the flow and the music.

The followers have an easy time if they can latch on to a good leader. I must confess that in the case of getting a few dances from your teacher if he's a real Argentine maestro (invariably well-versed in the macho code), being good-looking helps.

The hardest part (if you're following classes with a set leader) is not developing bad habits while your leader gets a grip on things, unless he's been doing it (well) for a few years.

Check out Sally Potter's movie the Tango Lesson on DVD if you want to see if it's your thing. It's a bit cheesy and reinforces some dated clichés, but still...

I'll try to post a good wmv if I find one that captures the spirit -- not easy, as most of the clips from teachers are just taken on an empty dancefloor, and/or they're doing a boatload of showy moves to impress the crowds.

Well, I manged to find one that's probably *really* improvised, at an actual tango evening. I can vouch for the fact that what they're doing is something you can really improvise, and that the leader probably doesn't have the foggiest idea of how it'll turn out when he starts (there are a few timing problems and showy but clumsy moves to resync that you would never see in a rehearsed performance) .

A small dance video

My favourite one is from Donnie Darko:
"I like your boobs".

There are many variations that work, like "Nice Sweater Hams", or "I like your Shoulder Boulders", or "What size are those earmuffs?".

Ones that don't seem to work so well are "Can I offer you some Rufies?" or "How about a rape shower?", or "Hi, I'm a student at the US Naval Academy".

the good old "Wanna go halves on a bastard" seems to work with the skags at about 3AM.

I suppose if she's a real dog you could say "wanna go halves on a bitch?".

What do you say if she's a bitch?

"Hey you. Lie down."?

I like your eight boobs.

"Can I bite your fleas?"

Your booty smells real purdy. Did you roll in something special tonight?

The most popular where I grew up was "So, your husband's out on WestPac?"

I've used that one, it doesn't work as well as you might think.

Short guy to a taller woman:" Whadda ya say to a little fuck?"

Her reply:"Hi, little fuck!"

"I heard there's a sale @ Payless..."

"You play field hockey, or are you a
softball dyke?"

"It's just the fuckin' Internet, what could
happen?"

Do those ever work out for you?

1 of the 3 was particularly effective.

i've got pictures, got candy..i'm a lovable man, I can take you to the nearest star....

This one always works .... look at her chest and ask, "So what are you two doing later."

DG

See, it's sooooo much easier for guys after guys.

"Hey. Whaddya into?"

95% success rate.

That's 'cuz guys are easy.

I'm shy...but I've got a big dick.

Saw this on a t-shirt once at Myrtle Beach.

Actually, the line that worked best at Myrtle Beach was, "Hey, I like your t-shirt!"

So....what are you into, whatever the fuck your name is?

Meet me behind the Dairy Queen and find out!!

Any excuse to show off your Dilly Bar, eh, Jack?