ohhh wearing a union jack makes you cheeky.

i'll write that down.

A cheeky Brit vs. a boozed-up Mick (is there any other kind?) who likes to fight a lot (is there any other kind?).

800 years of history tells me she's gonna clean your clock, CG.

she's only wearing an austin powers outfit, she's not really british.

besides. i'm a lover, not a fighter.

I've seen what you look like. Stick to boozing and fighting.

holy xit, lars actually made a funny!

but i don't drink anymore.

British people are cool.

well, maybe Eddie Izzard.

A-HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Funny you should say that...

sure, laugh at death of millions of the from the Land of Bogs (and Scottish)people at the bloody hands of the british.


you bastards!

I laugh every time I think about it CG.

Justified Ancients of Mummu?

now THAT'S what I call funny.


lars, you're scaring me. being funny twice in one day. and the mayor wasn't even here to see it.

I'm sure in the midst of his 137+ posts tonight, he'll come across it.










and find it not funny.

he's on a plane to seatthole.

No he's not. He ain't coming to LCLF. Too many rules.

Yeah, doesn't somebody here resemble him?

oh, xit, that's right.

he's going to california.

with an aching in his heart.

....and an Enormus lump of jello in his pants.

Not since you got a funnel.

I need one of those.

It helps cut down the spillstains.

Was the pickup line that got you Mrs. Absomphe?

Oy Snap!

Actually, I just kept typing "avocation", over and over again...

It got her all hot and bothered.

I figured, if she was so easily pleased, I need look no further.

Especially after she sent me her pic!

hell ya black jack! nice avatar!!
schmoo laying a poo!!
that RULES!!!

I just walk up to him/her, and say, "I gotta bottle of CRAPSINTHE™ back at my place. Wanna try some?"





Or, if I'm lookin for a group scene, I just walk into a bar and yell, ALL YOUR POSTS ARE BELONG TO CRAPSINTHE™!!!

Retards. It's much funnier when Spucky does it.

I think the occasional drunken rampage is funny, If it makes sense, or is at least not offensive.

i work in a kinda rough part of chicago (uptown), and there are a lot of drunks and crack heads...

i go outside to smoke, and this bum comes up to talk to me about my scooter...

after a few rather pleasant exchanges, he says, "DAMN, you got GAME!!!"
and then, "i can tell you got the good mayonnaise"

at which point i turned around and walked back into the shop as he was saying, "can i get to know you?"

i got the good mayonnaise.

i don't even what to think about what the hell that might mean.

I begin to think I may have an idea what he might mean, and then I slap myself a few times, and step under a falling anvil, and poof, the idea just vanishes!

Better that way...

thank god for the anvil!
it's really really hard to shock me and/or gross me out, but that one was just WAAAAAAY over the top....

i got another one the other day...i was tattooing this guy with a peg leg, who i thought for SURE was gay, and after i was done doing his very girly lower back tribal tattoo, he said, "hey, if you ever want to work off some of your sexual energy,let me know...."

ya know, peg legs are kinda piratey, which is good, but this guy was a total wanker.
totally.

words cannot describe the look on my face...

dammit, it's never the HOT guys who say corny xit like that to me.

Tribal tattoos are girly now?

What about ?

when they are across your lower back, and you say you want it "masculine", yes, tribal tattoos are girly.

hehehe

reminds me of the old joke of the son asking the father what a pussy looks like up close...

and the father replying "Have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?"

Which reminds me of a joke told by one of my gynophobic, gay friends.:

Q: Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?

A: Ever try to open a grilled cheese sandwich?

hmmmm, if your action looks like a builldog eating mayonnaise, get thee to the doctor ASAP...

grody!

Helmans, or Kraft?

I'll never look at a Subway Seafood Sensation Sandwhich the same way again.

Yikes!.......Subway where poisoning is brought to a high art.

I got a new one tonight.
A rickshaw bike cabbie was outside the liquor store.
I got out of my car and he said, "You look like you could use a good ride, sweetie."

He has no idea.

Too bad he didn't have a van.

I cannot be held responsible for what I do while severely intoxicated.
I become very predatory.

I recently used this one: "Which one of you bitches wants to cum home with me tonight?"

It didn't work.

So does Spaz.

Pot/kettle, Jawz.