Okee, every region of the danged country is havin' a LF. Oddly, the region MOST DESERVING -- the STUNNING desert southwest -- isn't.

I can host here in Tucson, there are two inexpensive motels within walking distance (about 1/2 mile, Motel 6 ish), and I gotta queen size bed (hmmm . . . ) and there's always room to tie someone to the weight bench (Wanna come, Jack?)!

I have more remodeling to do here, but by late summer I should be good to go.

So, who wants to come to Tucson during monsoon season and drink absinthe and watch MAJOR LIGHTNING SHOWS?

No.

Naaaa. You Tucson kids get your asses up to Phx.
I've got room to crash.
I'm walking distance to everything.

I'll stay home.

Will Butty be there?

If so, there'll be a cover charge.

Of course there has to be a charge, she's taking all the risk. I mean the ATF, FBI, CIA and the Mormons could all show up and start confiscating the guests.

If so, the guests will be securely packed and shipped in a timely manner.

..... at $250 per.

DG

Hey, she will replace us if we break in transit.

That's very thoughtful of her!

Abby, how can you be walking distance to ANYTHING in Phetus?

And our storms are better and more frequent anyway!

She lives in Tempe!

Same thing.

It's all the Pheee-nix Metrosprawlitan Area. And our storms in Tucson are STILL better.

Tucson sucks!

STOP FOLLOWING ME!


MOOOOOOM! JACK IS STALKING MEEEEEEE . . .

Stalk is what I do!
I am at the DQ now,
Looking right at you.

Perhaps I should hide my head in the sand! Or just

Yes, hide in the sand
While I write you a Haiku.
Try my Dilly Bar.

Is that what yer callin' it these days?

A dill, not a gherkin?

Tucson's filled with dirty stinkin' hippies.

Pheces is filled with dirty stinking smog, not to mention lawns and fake lakes fed by draining the Colorado River.

Are you referring to Tempe Town Swamp...er, Lake?

And it's not SMOG. It's dirt.

And that is so much better than smog.

I love the way it smacks against the windshield leaving little tiny sand craters in the glass and clearcoat. Oh and then there's the sun.

There are some things I love about the desert, but those spring winds ain't one of them.

Either way, Abby . . . Yuk. The air is CRUSTY.

. . . and Pheces is ten degrees hotter than Tucson because of the heat island effect and lower elevation, AND more humid cuz of all the fake lakes and lawns.

Of course, ya DO have Scottsdale with its museums, that's nifty.

Your city sucks worse than my city.

My city could beat up ALL of your cities.
At the same time, even.

Tucson is a complete xit hole.

and jackie's an expert on shitholes.

Ha!

And

My city's the fattest.

My city has more sunglasses per person than any other city.

Why?

It's just a fact.

Jack

Whack!

My biggest complaint about Tucson is that the Wig-O-Rama is NEVER open. I know no one who has been inside. It's there. Taunting you. But you can never go in and look around.

AB - I have the same problem with
Leather Man (fer real) across the
street. Maybe there's a back door.

You looking for a Shatner hair piece?

Who isn't?

There is, but I think you're too ugly for me to let you in. I have standards.

Everyone should move to Absinthetown.
Just a quick walk last night to see a bad
drag show.
Didn't even have to pay the cover, I think
I made them ascaired.
And, in my mind, the buncha dykes at
the bar were a field hockey team.

you just pretended they had on field hockey uniforms instead of softball ones?

Pretty much.
Then I just had to put my hand in pocket.

Still got BOGO on the brain?

Mebbe if I knew what that was I could give
you an answer.

I am getting FSB.

Fatal
Sperm
Backup