kirk, you sexy bitch.

Kirk has the sexiest mantits East of the Rockies.

Oops. I meant "mantis":



Tell me that's not a dead sexy mantis.

I have those in my garden every year. Big bugs 8 inches long or more.

Sexy.

Back at you.

I breed them for fun, really.
Anybody want some of mine ?

What, sexy bitches?

Mantitsises

Do they tickle?

The female tickles the male,
right before she bites his head off.
Every year before christmas
when I go out to cut a tree
I spend about an hour walking through the woods collecting mantis eggs.
One egg sack launches about 10,000 tiny mantitsies,
I have the largest population density of mantises in the country.
If any of you gardeners want some P. me.

how are they beneficial to your garden

(pardon my laziness to google right now.)

They are bug hunters. They will hunt other non-stinging bugs all day long. Its like having a bunch of exterminators working in your garden.

Yeah, they eat all the bugs that are available,
then they eat each other.
The only limit to the size they get
is how much they eat.
Out of thousands of them you end up with a few big ones left with a guilty smirk on their face.

sounds fabulous.

and downside?


like, if they get large enough, will they run off with my boston terrier?

I have a soft spot for mantises.

i have a moist spot for mantitties.

Kirk, can you send me the mantis heads?

I think you misspelled from.

no, but yes.

Two moist spots.

All moist spots!

more like one if i'm wearing a really tight cleavage-enhancing stained t-shirt.

Got some hot sauce for those Armpit Tacos?

well, not hot, more like body-temperature.

I'm sure you can tang it up a bit by eating garlic, onions, curry, or just a Middle Eastern boy.

Actually, all those ingredients go nicely together.

i gave up middle eastern boys for lent.



i really have to stop lending them out. they never want to come back.

Ba-Dum-Bump™

Spots of sunshine through the infernal grind.

sounds like one of those gay-ass coffee drinks from starbucks.

Gay ass drink? Sounds rather un-appetizing.

depends on who's making the drink.

it might be kinda sweet

(wink wink, nudge nudge)

Non-dairy creamer?

i once fondled a triceratops.

All three at once?

no, they pulled a train.

Did it wink?

like martingale, my friend, like martindale.

Who's Martingale?

no idea.

i couldn't see behind me.

His real name is Winston Martindale.

All Hail Kirk -- The Master of Silver.

Thanks mang, you can store your absinthein it.
I made another flask, if anyone wants it, I don't want to part with it but I will
for booze.