The couple upstairs is driving me nuts.
When they seemed to be taking up clog dancing,
I politely knocked on their door and asked them to try to be a little more mindful.
When they bred, I put up uncomplainingly with their squalling infant for months.

Now I need creative solutions.
The banging started at 10:00 last night.
The banging woke me up this morning.
In the miasma of broken dreams, I imagined they were building a gallows for me.
Bashing at the ceiling and yelling only makes them giggle and yell back. And bang.

Complaining to the powers that be is distateful to me.
I'm too sleep-deprived to think of a more suitable approach
and the constant droning of every radio in my apartment is distracting me.
What does one do with noisy neighbors?

HA! We have the same problem.
A couple and 2 kids, one of which rides his big wheel around the apartment, on wooden floors, at all hours.
They keep the little fucks up all night too, I swear they never sleep.

Can we complain to the realtor that owns the building? No, he works for them.

since this is sold out,

go here

...

Heh-heh-heh.

What's a magaphone???

A bullhorn full of maggots.
It's not as loud as a standard megaphone,
but it has the advantage of rendering speech garbled
and can be emptied onto a doorstep for ood measure.
Megaphone. My bad.

Can the maggots be delicately seasoned before entering the bullhorn, for added flavor and excitement?

Silicone earplugs, or headphones, both are hard to sleep in but you get used to it.
Poor Peeps.

Hire a discreet contract killer.

Seasoning the maggots is optional.
You may have hit on something.
Perhaps a nice batch of homemade cookies
to guilt them into consideration,
with a strong soporific mixed into the batter.

Sounds like a winner!

Invest in a cheap drumbox.

Find a good, annoying, anapestic bass beat.

Crank it up.

Leave for the weekend.

Call the fuzz. They don't do anything anyway 'cept eat donuts and find hiding places to sleep in. Oh and give out tickets to garbage truck drivers for nothing.

Tell them that you pay their salary and that you demand that they tell the neighbors to keep it down.

I need to find an officer with a drumbox. Maybe if I'm offering cookies...

Do what I'm doing...move into your own house!

Oh...they sleep, alright. Til around 9 am.

Whereas, I am up between 6-7 am. Listening to Indian sitar music, VERY loudly.

Hey, I love sitar music - but it's not everyones cuppa

I say buy a gun.

Get a copy of and play non-stop for 72 hours straight at full volume. Should do the trick.

Take up the bagpipes, Peeps.

Move.













Then sneak back in and light your apartment on fire. Fire goes up.

i'm liking the bagpipes idea.

they're even MORE annoying when a person can't play them.

'zactly

Abby’s Absinthe Commune.

Invite Badger to stay for a month, but give him their apartment number.

get one of those Stephen Hawking computer generated voice thingies and really loud speakers.

then feed it all of SPAZ-ASS's posts on a a 24 hour loop.

they'll either kill you or themselves, and the problem will be solved.

Just Google George Hayduke for ideas. (I contributed to one of his books)

If that doesn't work leave Trainer out in the hall in front of their door.

Isn't he the Spite, Malice & Revenge guy?
That's like my Bible.

Yes, I had an interesting conversation with him some years ago at a gun show.

He's quite the deviously creative chap.
I had some noisy upstairs neighbors when I found that book.
I can't remember what I did to them now.
But whatever it was, I got the idea from that book.
It might have involved brake fluid on his new truck's paint job...can't quite recall.

I always liked the L.U.R.D.

And his use of skunk oil is truly inspired.

I lost my book in one of my many moves.
I've missed it.
Now I have to go look and see if I can find it on Amazon or somewhere.

http://www.loompanics.com/


Try here.

Here it is.

Whee!
Peeps, you need to get one of his books.
He's got lots of wonderful ideas.
Most of them illegal, but grate all the same.

I can help, for a price...

the good thing is, abby,

the pictures of you pissing won't even cost half as much as the shipping from Amazon.com.

I can't get it out of my head.

Try.

I was talking about booze!

sure you were.

i've heard that before.


and it alway ends poorly.


like waking up drugged, naked and bleeding.
and not having planned it that way i mean.

Sounds like a night at Micheal Jacksons!!! Whatever happened to the monkey?

he was in a motorcycle accident.

luckily he didn't live in Connecticut.

I need that book. I decided to get on the list for a new, top-floor apartment on the other side of town. That should help, too.

Where the only pitter-patter coming from above will be the Flying Monkeys™ and/or Santa.

......or

...or

That's what I want on MY roof!!!!!!!!!!!

A couple of dead guys, and a couple of has-beens?

You need to get out more, Mistress!