How to make a woman happy




It's not difficult. To make a woman happy, a man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. give her compliments regularly
45. love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. to never forget:

* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements or plans she makes


HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Feed him
2. Fuck him
3. Shut the fuck up

I assume booze falls under the feed part?

and in the getting her to fuck me stage.

and the drinking enough to go deaf since the shutting the fuck up part never seems to work.

Wierd. Turns out CG was right all along about one thing.

#17?

Nope; apparently I'm a man.

If I can find a man like that I’m becoming a woman.

You forgot keep the house clean.

to be honest, if she feeds and fucks me and shuts the fuck up,

the house can stay dirty

unfortunately, my wife believes only in rule number 4.

54. Buy her shoes. (This will work for Jack as well.)

CG, I didn't see a rule #4...

Peeps...

Digits:




housecleaning. she only believes in housecleaning.

fuck housecleaning.

am I fed?

and smoked?

I'm all good then.

On first glance I thought you asked "Am I a fed"?

If you're not sure, it probably doesn't matter.

I am most curious!
If you can explain to me your method
for this most intriguing combination of activities,
I think I might get around to the house cleaning more often.

My wife and I fuck house cleaned once and we ended up with a closing day baby.

Congratulations. Who's the father?

( )

The DNA tests were inconclusive.

As was the splatter pattern.

Perhaps I ought to consider this cautionary tale.
As appealing as this fucking housekeeping seems,
I could do without the bundle of inconclusive-gened joy.

You're holding out for $400 designer-jeaned joy?

Just like Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes?










When Tom was informed that Katie was pregnant, he asked the Dr. how this could happen.

The Dr. informed Tom that what Katie had was a spite pregnancy, "Someone had it in for him".

I plan to keep myself a virgin until marriage.

in your basement?

The problem with men is they never remember a word women say.

The problem with women is they remember every single word men say.

the problem with men is that men just want to eat, drink, fuck and sleep.

the problem with women is that they won't let men do thse things.

That sounds about right.

Truer words were never written.

If only it were true that those were the only problems with any of us. Well, any of you, anyway.

actually those ARE the main problems, when you think about it.

if those things are ALL we men want to do, we don't work, therefore there is no money, so women have a problem with that.

also, if we eat too much, we get fat, so women have a problem with that.

and if we drink too much, well, women have a problem with that.

and we like to fuck. anything that moves. repeatedly. and women have a problem with that.

i stand by my original statement.

We just see things differently.
For instance, "repeatedly" at 2 minutes a pop
doesn't count as much as once for an hour-and-a-half, to us.

oh, see, repeatedly to me means more than once a month...

Remind me what the benefit is of this marriage thing?

Without it divorce lawyers would go broke.

you don't have to leave home to feel emasculated.

oh, plus it's easier to file taxes and adopt babies i guess.

Gives the newspaper publishers work creating a hiding place for husbands at the table.

I think making a woman happy is very easy. All you need are two short sentences:
1) I understand
2) I'm sorry

The less true those sentences are in any given context, the more you should say them.

Listen to the man. He has proven the effectiveness of his mating strategies.

I'm sorry I didn't know that earlier.

I got lucky too. My wife is probably about as low maintenance as lambchop. She likes to play video games and will even watch baseball with me. I should do some research into her past just to make sure she didn't used to be a man or something.

NO!

it doesn't really matter if you love her..err..him...

It.

I've met her
and she is pure shimmering woman.

Ah, but is she shimmering pure woman?