PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING.
IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS
HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY
SCHOOL TEST. KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE
OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS
ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE
NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING
HAS BEEN LEFT IN.


1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT
TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH
OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE.

3. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK
AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

4. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT
A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

5. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT
HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

6. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED
ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

7. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT.
AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO
GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

8. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD
ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

9. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA.
THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF
GERITOL.

10. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA
TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

11.SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVID´S SONS, HAD 300 WIVES
AND 700 PORCUPINES.

12. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF
JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.

13. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE
ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

14. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE
CONTRAPTION.

15. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS
TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU.
HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT
ALONE.

16. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE
DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF
THE ENTRANCE.

17. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE
CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

18. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

19. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE
PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER
NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

20. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE.
THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

Children, my arse.

I'll bet Shrub wrote those.

Those little bastards sure got marriage right,
well, except for #4.

I saw Bush on TV the other day,
he was holding a hammer like a 6 year old would do
he might as well have used a rock.
I was angry to see him choke a hammer like that, it wasn't just poor form,
it was like every person who ever held a hammer in their life should laugh at him,
my wife was puzzled at my anger
"he never had to hold a hammer"
250,000 years of tool making, and man has come to this.
In the not so distant past, a ruler was expected to know how to hold a sword, even though he would never need to.
This man is the chief of our infrastructure.
It seems to me, that one of his aids would have taken him aside, and told him
all the real men in the world will laugh at him if he chokes that hammer, that bad;
His hand was touching the head for God's sake,
he should have used a rock, it would have looked better.

Of course, to hold a hammer properly you would have to understand the physics and the reasoning ,
if you hold it by the head, you are using a hard thing to bash something,
if you hold it by the handle you are swinging an instrument, and striking a target.

twould be great to be able to look through kirk's eyes one day.

unfortunately, my eyes are always drawn to something base, so i don't take the time to actually think.

i am always amazed how people can THINK.

He holds a hammer much like he runs the country: without consideration of consequences. Then again, I'm surprised he even knew what a hammer was.

They call it Sodomy for a reason.

not true.

he was hammered many, many times before he found the baby jesus.

I bet he stuck his pinky finger out when he held a beer can.

definitely. wouldn't want to break his coke nail, now would he?

Holy acrimony has a ring of truth to it.