All of my indulgently bemused girlfriends
and several shocked and slightly dismayed acquaintances
assure me that it isn't them.
Statistically, though, it's got to be someone, and many someones.
Stop that, you scoundrels.

I (for one) wipe the seat down.

Wow. Maybe I am a woman.

A thousand thank yous.
Don't worry; I might be one, too.

My guess:

I always wipe the seat down too.

Strangely enough, I was at the doctor's office the other day, and I saw a female doctor go into the bathroom. I was in line behind her, and when she exited and I entered, I noticed she had left the seat up.

i like to leave my colostomy bags on the toilet seat just for fun.

mmmm funbags...

HA!

It's not a men thing. Honest. Men I've known are typically considerate, although they may overestimate their precision. No, this is a case of women and their careless hovering. Unless you guys frequent public women's rooms.

I just carry an empty milk jug with me. Makes me a more productive worker cuz less restroom breaks.

A couple of weeks ago I was on a Delta flight and went into the bathroom, it looked like someone had let loose a water weenie. Floor, walls, everything wet but the toilet.

I felt bad for the gal waiting to go, I wanted to say "not me, that's the way I found it".

What else would she think, after seeing a DOG exit the lav?

There's the other thing. You feel responsible when you leave. You feel compelled to absolve yourself in the eyes of the next chick, but there's no polite way to say, "Just so you know, I did not hose the place down like that."

My bullies are over the weight limit for cabin travel.

In that case, I recommend loose boxers.

"Unless you guys frequent public women's rooms."

define frequent.

I always lift the seat before pissing, and put it down afterwards. I have been trained.

Yes, 2Ly, I think lurking around the amenities at Dorney Park with an extra slushy in your hand qualifies as frequenting. Thanks for a summer to remember.

How come none of the XXes are copping? It's you betties isn't it?

Ever since I got my Prince Albert piercing I have to sit and pee...

OK, well, thanks.

So it's not Smuttty micturating on all of the ladies' commodes.

When the ladies piss on the seat
it's only so bad
but when they leave red brush marks
it freaks me out

Too much info.

Kirk is a more easygoing guy than I, but we knew that already.

Just like Cros knew about Smutty's pull toy. Faker.

Only when they want me to....

On the toilet seats, Smuttty The toilet seats.

Don't worry peeps, if you ever go in after me, you'll find the seat nice and dry.

Ah, thank you! I boast little refinement, but I can assure you of the same courtesy.

http://www.mapsu.org/

I'll bet those same bitches do the hover 'n' cover.

Jack with his custom Jade Dressing Ring.

Speaking of toilets...

Remind me not to buy any 'vintage' samples from you.