Fossil remains of what is believed to be the first Politician.

Looks like a Winston to me.

Nancy Pelosi finally decides to Understand Bush's Perspective on Iraq.

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous
pasturewhen suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards
him.
>The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban
Sunglasses
>and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you
>exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd,
>Will you give me a calf?"
>The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his
>peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"
>The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,
>Connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA
Page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation System
to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA
satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
>The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and
exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.
>Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image
has been processed and the data stored.
>He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel
>Spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes,
receives a response.
>Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
>miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and
says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
>"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the
>Cowboy.
>He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused
as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
>Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly
what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
>The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why
>not?"
>You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says the cowboy.
>"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
>"No guessing was required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here
even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already
>knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much
smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a
herd of sheep.
> Now give me back my dog.

Get 'em while they're hot!

Folk songs of the right-wing!

The Dems are determined to lose in 2008

Must have tee shirt:

Along with:

A man was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a
sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around,
he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island. After being
there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions
to the beach every evening to watch the sun set.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus
clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the
lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until
the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of
them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was Hilary Clinton. That evening, the man introduced
Hillary to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening -
red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze--perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the man started to get "those feelings" again. He fought
the urges as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to
Hillary, cautiously, and whispered in her ear, "Would you mind taking the dog for
a walk?"

COUNTRY ROAD

The Senator from New York, Hillary Clinton and her driver were
cruising along a country road one evening when an ancient cow loomed
in front of the car.
The driver tried to avoid it, but couldn't. The aged bovine was struck and killed. Hillary told her driver to go up
to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. She stayed
in the car making phone calls to lobbyists.
About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray.
He was
holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a rare,
Cuban cigar in the other and was smiling happily, smeared with
lipstick.
"What happened to you," asked Hillary?
"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, the wife gave me the wine and
their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me!"

"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary.

The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, I'm
Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow.
The rest happened so fast, I couldn't stop it."

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across
Pennsylvania Avenue , where he'd been sitting on a park bench.


He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in
and meet with President Hillary Clinton ." The Marine replied, "Sir,
Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here." The old man
said, "Okay," and walked away.


The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to
the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary
Clinton". The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mrs.
Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here."


The man thanked him and again walked away.. The third day, the same man
approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying "I
would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton." The
Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and
said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to
speak to Mrs. Clinton. I've told you already several times that Mrs.
Clinton is not the President and doesn't reside here. Don 't you
understand?"


The old man answered, "Oh, I understand you fine, I just love hearing
your answer!"


The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow."

This should create an uproar.

The guy who discovered it is unimpressed.

Still, it should raise hackles -- true beleivers will shout illogical inanities and denunciations, scholars will hem and haw and politicians will posture . . .










I'll pour another glass of absinthe and watch the show.

Last Tuesday, as President Bush got off the helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet
under each arm.



The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, sir."



The President replies "These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Senator

Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi."



The Marine again snaps to attention, Salutes, and says, "excellent trade, sir."

Dear Abby,

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the
beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's
worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.
Also, since he lost his job six years ago, he hasn't even looked
for a
new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and
bullsh*t with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills.
Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to
like me and hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do?
Signed: Clueless




Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman. You don't need him
anymore!
You're a United States Senator from New York running for President
of the United States. Act like one.

Just be sure this time to let us know early who your choice for our next president is.

I might write you in.

A bit late, butt...

Not quite bad enough for Smuttty's,
but not exactly work safe or kid friendly.

Bush Screws the Country

Kid friendly? Yup, you've completely lost it.

Aw crap.

...™

Yes, these people get to vote.

That's just as bad as the banning of women's suffrage.
We really need to fix the educational system in this country
(thank you, Jimmy Kimmel).

Or just start shooting stupid people.

I'm thinking the latter might be easier.

That way you wouldn't have to raise the teachers pay scale, or give them any respect.

Speaking of teacher's pay scale (you knew I would join in)

Even with my MEAGER teacher pay, I owe the IRS $400 this year. Rats for me being single and not knocked up.

Or, not filling out the W-4 form properly.

I don't trust myself to fill out those forms. I paid Jackson Hewitt.

Still beats being dead, though. I'm sure you're less rich than the late Anna Nicole Smith, but I bet you smell better (now) unless she was incinerated.

I only smell better NOW?!

I'll remember to stand downwind of you if ever we meet.

Let me collect my thoughts (and get rid of the double post)...

I was implying you smelled better than Anna Nicole Smith in her present state.

As for comparing you to a contemporaneous Anna Nicole Smith in the past, when she was still alive, I shan't have the pleasure of forming an opinion, not even if ever we meet and you decide to stand upwind from me.

As for standing downwind from me:

1. I wouldn't advise it. I'd be standing upwind from you. If the smell doesn't kill you, remember that sounds of incessant banter and inane chattering also carry further that way.

Think:



2. Given the dominant winds in this hemisphere, I'm likely to remain the downwind person for quite some time.

Ummmmm.........so you're saying if I wear my Bikini, it would affect the cyanobacteria on Algae Island greater than that of Uterus Isle?

You really know how to charm a girl.

So, you want to smell Nymphadora in a bikini then?

Your words, not mine - I was inserting the graph to illustrate my fallout, not yours (before people get carried away, I am in no way implying I am going to wear a bikini. I would also strongly advise against looking at me in swimming trunks, for that matter, without using total solar eclipse sunglasses).

You only need to charm one, and all dire predictions of people like you have proven inaccurate (even though I was rattled for a few years).

I told you I wouldn't be seen dead in a bikini. Furthermore, I don't believe wearing a bikini helps the sense of smell.

That depends on who is wearing the bikini and what it is you're sniffing.

I promise to use my Fresh Mountain Flowers so I don't offend.

What about annoy?

That's my whole reason for being here.

I'm the king of the annoying here - don't try to usurp my title.

But many thanks to Nymphadora for helping me utterly derail even this very thread - the one thread that seemed most resistant to meandering off track.

I agree - I don't think Nymphadora (or me, for that matter) would smell any different if you wore a bikini, though you're free to volunteer for a scientific experiment to actually prove it.

Only if I can wear the spiked heel shoes.

This is getting kinky.

I wanna watch.

...™

I could help with that.

Oh shit, I forgot I had a vasectomy.