...™

Alan's been trying to get his absinthe theme park open for a while.

Distilling children? Phew! Soylent Green Theme Park...

Swift would consider it a modest proposal.

Hot Damn! How much does that sucker weigh? Will it fit in my truck?

Seriously, steal that sucker!

All your post are belong to me!

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I have found these among FCE papers I have been making in order: About drinking it is:

-two weeks into the bender you found out "Drink CanuckyFuckyLand Dry" was a corporate slogan, not a challenge

-you know that vodka is tasteless going down but memorable coming up

-you say when you are drunk what you think when you are sober

-you do not drink anymore, of course you do not drink any less, either

-when you wake up with hangover you are afraid you'll die. Half an hour later you are afraid you'll live

-booze may not be the answer, but helps to forget the question

-you must have a drink by eleven. If you can't, he must have eleven by one

-if it weren't for the olives in martinis, you'd starve to death

-you have a reserved parking space at four different liquor stores

-going out for a beer or two sometimes means waking up in Vegas three days later

-you consider vodka a chaser

-you know the time is never wasted when you are wasted all the time

-when pink elephants get drunk they see you

-you'd join AA but that pledge is impossible to be memorized

-your girlfriend left you because you accidentaly cried out "Glenfiddich" while making love

-you are regularly mobbed by autograph hungry alley winos

-you like tequila with a lime-or dirt-or hamster-or whatever as long as there is tequila involved

-the cafeteria in the detox centre has a sandwich named after you

-you like a splash of coffee in your morning whisky

-you are addressed by three seperate liquor store owners as "the guy who paid for my house, boat, etc"

-Wine is mentioned in the Bible over 250 times. Perrier? Not even once!

-you can hear someone whisper "free beeer!" from three blocks away

Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex
with Nookie Green every week for the last month".

The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail
Marys."

Soon after, another man enters the confessional.

"Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I had sex with
Nookie Green twice a week for the last two months."

This time the priest questions, "Who is Nookie Green?"

"A new woman in the neighborhood." the sinner replies.

"Very well," sighs the priest. "Go and say ten Hail Marys."

At Mass the next morning, as the priest prepares to deliver his sermon, a
tall, voluptuous, drop dead gorgeous woman enters the sanctuary. The eyes of
every man in the church fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and
sits down right in front of the Priest! Her dress is green and very short,
with matching shiny emerald green shoes. The priest and altar boy gasp, as
the woman in the matching green shoes and dress sits with her legs slightly
spread apart.

The priest turns to the altar boy and whispers, "Is that Nookie Green?"

The bug-eyed altar boy can't believe his ears but replies,

"No, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes."

...where the fucking remote is?


Ha..ha..ha...

Abby's been scarce since she got into the Mormon lesbo thing.

Can't say I blame her.

Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?



She kept on having affairs with men!

Who are these people?
Smoking too much crack in Richmond.

oh boy

I guess the layers of idiocy at work in this create jobs for somebody but the kind of people that think of this stuff make me (passionately)









Cinnamon ring . . . .

Is that the Virginia gang sign?

I'm fum da' Vee Yo!

That one just confuses me. The one with the lesbian couple watching the young, Black woman stomp grapes. Am I the last one to learn of the lesbian-friendly sex tourism trade in VA?

Probably more dykes in Norfolk than there are in Holland -- not that it's a bad thing.

Funny you xould say that:
Bye, bye $400,000!

We could have done better, for half price.

British dwarf's penis gets stuck to hoover


Mon Aug 20, 3:50 PM ET
A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry.

Daniel Blackner, or "Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf", was due to perform at the Circus of Horrors at the festival known for its oddball, offbeat performances.

The main part of his act saw him appear on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his member through a special attachment.

The attachment broke before the performance and Blackner tried to fix it using extra-strong glue, but unfortunately only let it dry for 20 seconds instead of the 20 minutes required.

He then joined it directly to his organ. The end result? A solid attachment, laughter, mortification and ... hospitalisation.

"It was the most embarrassing moment of my life when I got wheeled into a packed AE with a vacuum attached to me," Blackner said.

"I just wished the ground could swallow me up. Luckily, they saw me quickly so the embarrassment was short-lived."

The dwarf said
"short lived".

The reporter misspelled "limbed".

Explains what Betty is doing now that there's no one buying her Elixer.

I don't think her cock is big enough,
her balls might be.

The Absinthe Effect

Cros lost weight.

You guys were off
the beaten path in
SF.

SEVEN KINDS OF SEX:

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens
When you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are
blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been
with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex
anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been
with Your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you
usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with
your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both
say "screw you."

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. Which means you get Nun in the
morning , Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind of sex is called: Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand
your husband or wife any more. He or she takes you to court and screws
you in front of everyone.

And last, but not least, the 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex.
You get a little each month, But not enough to live on.

That's an old,
old, old one.

It has been posted before in one those old threads mentioning anal rape.

I thought he took that picture in SF, after we parted ways.

We Didn't Stop the Fetus

So what stage are the stem cells harvested at?

I just realised;
tomorrow's rock stars will be doctors,
I can't imagine how much a ticket will be.

if you have to ask . . .

You gonna die

It's ok to
harvest stem
cells @ ejaculation
now.

317.1

Ha!
Got him.

320.9 is my highest, but a guy down the hall just hit 341.3!

Once was enough.

My buddy was just here
what a dum ass, most famous quote from him;
"I'm sick of working, I work all week
cash my check, and after I pay my bills, I'm broke"
He said he was going to be an artist, it must be like selling drugs,
and asked me if I knew
hah! I said, (no) and I wouldn't know
I don't do that xit anymore, but
you got any?
I'm hooked, send it to me, especially if it won't fade or depreciate.
I don't want anything with a message, that's not art
it's some sort of soxil experiment.

The thing that got me was, that's all there really is, if you worked your ass off and at the end of the week you payed your bills, what more could you ask for?

Self respect, control of your life and time to actually live it, money for booze . . .




I guess that rules out Shakespeare, Goya, Hemingway, Whitman, Neruda, Diego Rivera Rene Magritte, Picasso and a xitload of other artists and writers . . .

(Not to mention we unknown types that fling our souls against the rocky walls of this monstrous culture of death bleeding out our last ounces of energy and resources to express our art in defiance of sanity to say something real that cuts through the Disneyland BS to try and wake the numbed souls of a zombie nation.)