Why can't they solve murder cases in the South?

















There are no dental records and the DNA is all the same.

Had to start off with an old standard, eh?

A three-year-old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mum," he asked, "are these my brains?"
"Not yet," replied his mother

G+C was examining
a 3 yr old's testicles...

Yeah, 44 years ago.

Better be careful. That kid's likely to show up some day and kick your ass for fondling him as an infant.

Just ask MJ or any Catholic priest.

Grate photo:

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

Two old drunks in a bar. The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. "By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand"
"So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?"
"Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"

This is fitting.

HELL: as explained by a Chemistry Student

The following is an actual question given on a University of
Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the
professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now
have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. one student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that on ce a soul gets into Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can
project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop untill Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct. . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a Divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".

And you thought
that was worth
the effort?

Well, Sixer'll like it.

If'n only it
brought elves
and anal staples
into the mix.

I think even spider bites are preferable to anal staples.

Depends.

I found it amusing, but I would.

Ditto.

ad hominem laughter

what's yellow and orange and looks grate on a hippy?
fire

If free love was offered to you, you'd be wearing a daishiki and a peace symbol.

i dunno what a dashiki is, but i'd love a piece.

and don't forget that i'm part scottish, so i'd even do a slag like YOU for free ANYTHING

You'd need the free
virus test after.

nah, i could use to lose a little weight anyhow

100% of you would
suit me.

sheeit, mayor, i bet even 80% of me would suit you if'n you stretched the skin a couple feet up instead of out.

I meant I'd like
it if you'd lose 100%
of your weight.

i know.

How do you get those chubby sausages to type so fast?! Damn!

Edward Pork
Product Hans.

Fwa-ha-HAA!

keyrist, that took me a minute

im outta practice.

ha!

Jeepers! So am I. It ain't been this rapid-fire in forever.

Keep our home
life outtah it.

but keep your homo life in it.

and use very descriptive terms

So, I bent CG
over, ass far ass
I could...

My homo life is so 1992.

awesome

tell me about how you didnt shave your pits and snacked on a crack at lollapaloza, peepers

so about an inch..

You lookin' w/
Pympfuddwhora's
binocs?

That would be kissing and telling. Ceeg,
and you should know from your wife that I don't do that.

What's wrong with monkeys?

Might shoot themselves and who will deliver your KOS?

Those monkeys deserve to be shot.

The only Monkey that matters™ ain't been around these parts lately.

Butt, he's one wild and crazy guy.

I heard they're on union strike.
Something about a liveable wage and too many green bananas.

Really appreciate #10 on your list, Cros. I'm easily tracked with Patchouli.

Why don't you want DG armed?