...when I read these kinds of stories

Man Asks for Prison for Stealing Panties
From Associated Press
June 13, 2007 4:35 PM EDT
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. - A district judge on Tuesday granted a defendant's unusual request to be sent to prison for breaking into women's homes and stealing their undergarments, his attorney said.

Officials had recommended probation for Steven Quatkemeyer, 40, as part of a plea agreement in which he pleaded guilty to felony stalking and two counts of felony burglary. Prosecutors dropped several misdemeanors and six other felony counts in exchange for the plea.

"I apologize to the families affected from the bottom of my heart," Quatkemeyer told the court. "After a couple of weeks of incarceration, I realized what I had done was very wrong."

He also asked for a prison term and got four years.

"In light of the defendant's request, I will send him to the Department of Corrections," Acting 4th Judicial District Judge Barney Iuppa said.

Defense attorney Mark Rue said Quatkemeyer felt he needed the treatment programs offered by the state prison system.

Police arrested Quatkemeyer for stealing hundreds of pairs of lingerie and panties after a victim who had been subjected to repeated break-ins installed video surveillance equipment.

Peeps wonders
why I have 3
closets for "my"
clothes.

I keep telling you you should stick to the natural fibers.
It's too hot down here for you to be wearing those nylon-satin jobbers.

Yeah, like the inferno
it is right the fuck now.

How far are you from the beach?

Over 1/2 an hour
to Wakulla Beach.

A little redneck hangout
at the dead end of a
bumpy sand road.

Redneck Riviera

I get to see the glories of Alabama later today. What year is there anyway?

Well, unless you roll up to that "beach" with a Confederate flag flying from your car antenae or a Confederate flag tattooed somewhere on your body I wouldn't go there. Rednecks get real restless when they don't see a Confederate flag flying somewhere nearby and restless usually leads to pain. One way or the other.

"You sure do got a pretty mouth."

Them-----> <--------You

Mebbie I should wear a RedSox cap.

Mebbe you
should hide.

The Gulf from
here to Pensacola
IS the Redneck
Riviera.

Or, The Forgotten
Coastline, as they
didn't even bother
to put it on a map
of the state some
years ago.

I didn't really feel
comfortable at
Wakulla Beach.
The vibe was not
"welcoming", shall
we say.

Should have shown up offering PBR around but you still need to learn to talk suthun.

Yep.

The Yankee accent+
BMW convertible
w/Pa. plates
marked us.

There were lots
and lots of cool
little fiddler crabs
runnin' across the
road.

And grass that stabbed
and the requisite biting
insects.

Beach folk weren't welcoming?

You were wearing the marble bag swimmies again, weren't ya?

TGO: I'd hang with you in Bama if my face wasn't so swollen and hurting from my wisdom teeth extraction yesterday. I'm not leaving the house for a week.

You're vain as a Ted. He isn't coming to gaze in awe at your Perfect (and Unswollen) Face™, you know.

Did you miss the 'hurting' part of that sentence? Like TGO would want to hear me bitch more than I usually do.

This is why we ask for painkillers, dear.
Couple that with a few glasses of absinthe and you're golden.

Yep, that's the ticket!

For pullin'
a Prole?

I'm on codeine. Fucker still hurts. It has been pointed out by Liver that I'm a wuss and Grey called me a pussy. Both are correct.

I have to admit that Sixer is right too. I could play stand-in for Brando's Godfather. Sans mustache.

Nope, not leaving the house.

You should sell tickets.

*I* have something else that's swollen and hurting, by the way.

The doctor had said no alcohol. Easier said than done in Boveresse, especially with an 80s village party DJ playing Jan-Jacques Goldman and Daniël Balavoine all the time and not even playing Baila Marcia of les Rita Mitsoukos once.

Alcohol and a hurting arse or boredom - the choice is easy.

I's [sic] OK. After surgery, surgeons have assured I'll be less of an arsehole.

Even though I'm a geek, I'm not sure I enjoyed the presentation about the stapling device, though.

Anyway, what are you doing out of bed at such a late time? Creature of the night just like Crosby?

I'm not out of bed. I'm lying here with my laptop.

During the school year, I wake early and go to bed early. It is now my summer vacation and I am once again a night owl.

Hope you feel better soon.

And there's the
Prole to prey...

6oid,
You and I should
start the Brotherhood
of the Sore Arse's.

Yeah, you guys are real cheeky.

No time left. I'm saying goobye to (part of) my sore arse on Monday.

When I start to feel old,
it always helps to come in here.

My doctors have said that my condition is singularly uncharacteristic of a man of my age.

So it's probably true that I'm an arsehole.

Prol: Thank you, dear. You're such a charmer. (So is the Mrs.)

He's being factual there.
The map omission resulted in the locals
(mostly in an attempt to drum up businiess
for moldering motels and shops that sell
toilet paper cozies made out of driftwood and seashells)
calling it as the "Forgotten Coast."

I tend to think of it
(more accurately, I believe;
see for instance the references
to moldering motels and the shabby redneck beach)
as the "Forsaken Coast."

Gosh, Six. Sorry about your ass. Truly. At least you're able to embrace and make fun of the indignity of it.

I can now. When I was having chest pains out of anaemia-induced angina pectoris, I wasn't so thrilled.

I hope your ass feels better soon, Six.

Sheesh, that was awkward.

AWkward™, even.

But only people who were in Boveresse will understand that, even though we might have the esteemed inventor (and master interpreting artist) among us shortly.

oh boy

You can always refuse admission (or chase her away with bitchforks, the preferred alternative in these parts).

We'll see what we see.

And you misspelled
"bitchforks".

Nothing a bit of editing can't fix...

Now Dr. O's gonna phreak.

How will anyone know the difference?

Nor care, actually.

Holy Shit!!

You don't mess around on your side of the pond. Four years in prison for stealing a few pairs of panties!!!

Over here people don't get much more than that for committing murder.

We are way too soft on criminals here in the UK, but 4 years for stealing a few pairs of panties!! Seems a trifle harsh really.

She was
wearing 'em.