From today's NYTimes:
BRANFORD, Fla. — “Lots of artillery out there,” an old man hollered from the safety of the Suwannee River’s edge, and he was right. The sturgeon were jumping high and fast, twisting their armored girth in midair and returning to the depths with a stunning splash.


On the water, there was reason to be anxious. Florida’s season of “sturgeon strikes” — law enforcement’s term for collisions between the state’s largest freshwater fish and hapless boaters — was already well under way.

It may seem bizarre, but it is no joke. Leaping sturgeon have injured three people on the Suwannee this year, including a woman on a Jet Ski and a girl whose leg was shattered when one of the giant fish jumped aboard her boat. Eight others were hit last year, and with traffic growing on the storied river, sturgeon are joining alligators and hurricanes and tropical on the list of things to dread in Florida.

“These injuries are very impressive,” said Dr. Lawrence Lottenberg, director of trauma surgery at the Florida College of Medicine in nearby Gainesville. “You’ve got people sitting on the front of an open boat, and the boat is going 20, 30, 40 miles per hour. The fish jumps up and usually slaps these people right across their face and upper chest. Almost every one of them universally has been knocked unconscious. If you’re not wearing a life jacket, you’re going to fall in the water and potentially drown.”

Fortunately, most sturgeon in Florida stick to the Suwannee, which winds 265 miles from southern Georgia to the Gulf of Mexico. Known as gulf sturgeon, they migrate between the river, where they spawn in spring and relax in summer, and the gulf, where they return in the fall to feed. They have no teeth or temper, only a pressing, mysterious urge to jump all summer long.

“You’ll be sitting out there,” said Melanie Carter, who boats on the river with her husband, “and then all the sudden, 5, 10 feet away from you, a big one will jump up and scare you half to death.”

Sturgeon have been around since the dinosaur age, and they look it. They have long, flat snouts and hefty bodies covered in sharp, bony plates. Gulf sturgeon can grow up to eight feet long and weigh 200 pounds, but even the smaller ones can inflict serious harm. In recent years, injuries have included a broken pelvis, a fractured arm and a slashed throat.

Brian Clemens was motoring down the Choctawhatchee River in the Panhandle in 2002 when a sturgeon “jumped up and hit him dead center in the chest,” said his wife, Joy. It broke his ribs and sternum, caused one of his lungs to collapse and put him in intensive care for three days, she said, adding, “There’s a permanent dent in his chest where that fish hit him.”

Wildlife officials have posted signs warning boaters to slow down. Leah Daniel, a friend of Ms. Carter, said there was only one other precaution to take: “Pray.”

Fear is not rampant on the gentle river, lined with ancient cypress trees and moss-draped live oaks, but curiosity is. No one knows for sure why sturgeon jump.

“We say, ‘Pretty much because they can,’ ” said Karen Parker, a spokeswoman for the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. She said the jumping seemed more frequent this year and last, maybe because sturgeon favor deeper water and are feeling cramped with the river unusually low.

Ken Sulak, a biologist, has ruled out several theories. Since sturgeon do not jump in spawning season, Dr. Sulak said, the jumping must not be for reproductive reasons. And since they have no freshwater predators but occasional alligators, it is probably not an escape response.

Might they jump for joy?

Doubtful, Dr. Sulak said.

His guess is that sturgeon jump to let other sturgeon know they have found a good spot to hang out. They seem to gather mainly within six short, narrow stretches of the Suwannee where there are deep holes, so they do not have to waste energy fighting the current. They fast and relax all summer, basically “just going to the spa for several months,” Dr. Sulak said.

They can use the rest. The federal government has listed gulf sturgeon as threatened since 1991, and for nearly a quarter-century Florida has outlawed catching them. Ms. Parker said there were now 3,000 to 5,000 of them in the Suwannee; Dr. Sulak puts the number closer to 7,000.

But with more people using the Suwannee, more farm waste flowing into it and urban regions eyeing it as a source of water, the sturgeon’s future is uncertain, said Bill Pine, a fisheries professor at the University of Florida.

Dr. Pine would like to see speed limits on sections of river where sturgeon congregate. The state has imposed such limits along miles of “manatee protection zones,” but with fierce objections from boaters who say the restriction spoils their fun.

Some irate boaters have called the wildlife commission and railed against sturgeon, Ms. Parker said, even asking the state to “kill all of them so people can enjoy the river.”

Others think the fish are purposely attacking boaters who invade their turf, but Dr. Sulak said sturgeon were as docile as lambs. He sometimes acts as their public relations agent, encouraging curious boaters to watch as he nets sturgeon for population counts. They lie quietly on a scale in his boat, their rough, cold bodies looking bronze one second, greenish gold the next.

Some onlookers melt. “Once they see they’re not monstrous, they don’t have big teeth, they’re not mean — they’re kind of lovable, in a way,” he said, “that kind of defuses things.”

Jim Tomey, sitting by the riverbank, said watching for sturgeon was his summer ritual. As he spoke, one burst out of the water and returned with a mighty smack.

“I love to come down here,” Mr. Tomey said, “and sit and watch them fish jump.

I'd love to cum down there and catch some of those.

Someone doesn't have access to a dictionary that defines "universally".

Almost not, it seems.

Fido won't be cumming home:

Yeah, that happens a lot.
Especially where folks have those subdevelopments
with a slew of McMansions squatting around a man-made pond or lake.
Which is like Alligator Field of Dreams.
Eventually they do come
and it's bye-bye foo-foo dogs.

Seeing gators from a
boat @ Wakulla Springs
is one thing. Seeing a
pair of 5-6 footers
floating in a little pond
on the way to Wakulla
Beach is another.

Makes ya realize
they could be any
fuckin' where.

A Tallahassee woman found a 6-foot-long alligator under her vehicle in the 3200 block of Majestic Prince Trail at 10 a.m. Saturday, July 7, said Lt. Silas Lewis of the Leon County Sheriff's Office. Deputies called the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, whose employees trapped the alligator.

See.

And I swear on a
stack of pancakes
I didn't know about
this, I was looking
for something else.

Fucking scary!

Some time ago, they have opened a restaurant here with kangaroo, wally, and such exotic stuff served. The prices range from 16 USD to 26 USD per a dish, and people got interested.

One of my neighbours has found a tiger python sleeping sweetly below her legs while she was driving and wanted to check what was that weird cable down there near the handbrake.

Fortunately, coppers checked it instead of her. The python is believed to have escaped from private house in the Ukraine, got into the car by accident looking for a shelter and slept there until got discovered in Poland.

I'd prolly crash.

What I was lookin'
for was the story
about the bear they
caught at the
Wattaburger a few
blocks away, and I
found the Tallygator
story.

Fun Facts!

They were named by the Spanish, "el lagarto" or "the lizard" (Kirk).
The alligator became the official state reptile of Florida in 1987. (Good thinkin'!)
An alligator can outrun a horse over short distances.
Their jaws can exert pressure up to 3,000 psi.
Females weigh only about 160#, whereas males weigh about 400#. (Neat!)
It is illegal to hunt or trap one of these fuckers without a special permit.

Just run 'em
over in the
driveway.

Also we had malaria here until the 70s.
Still do have occasional, isolated outbreaks.
Quaint and old-timey!

While alligators can sprint forwards pretty fast, they have very poor turning ability (kind of like WCC motorcycle choppers).

You're not Them™, you know. You were somewhere else in the '70s.

OK, WE had malaria in FL in the 70s (I was in Jacksonville FL from 72-75).


Although I will admit I did not catch it.

Looks like Florida is a nice place

to die.

Construction work in FL looks like fun too.



I had trouble reloading the image, so I changed it.

*wahhh!*

I wanna go home!

I like north FL a lot better than south FL. Anything below Melborn is bad.

I've not spent much time on the gulf coast (other than living in Boloxi MS for a couple of years) so I don't have much of an opinion on THAT part of the state.

Oh,yea. I'm allergic to sand fleas. At first they thought I was allergic to chocolate, then my grandparents. Smart doctors they were.

LL: I bet that your ass too.

Or have a large chunck of your ass rot off.

Hee! I've needed
some new scars
down there, but
didn't think I'd
get them the way
I did.

If Tally where
indeed actually
on the Gulf, it
wouldn't be so
bad.

It isn't.

So it is.

Shits even falling out of the sky:

5 Dead After Small Plane Hits Fla. Homes

This xit is
getting
surreal-er.

What does Van Morrison have to do with any of this?

Alabama doesn't have much trouble with gators except near the coastline. We do, however, have gigantic and numerous snapping turtles that scare the hell out of me. I know the idea of a 'turtle' doesn't inspire fear, but if you saw one of these things up close, it definitely leaves an impression. I live near the "crik" and snapping turtles are a'plenty.

Snapping turtles? Haha! I don't believe it. Are they aggressive?

HELL YES!

There used to be
one in the Shed
Aquarium in Chicago
the size of a card
table.

Not surprisingly,
it had a tank to
itself.

Only one I ever
dealt w/was
crossing a road
and I stopped to
lend it a hand,
which it promptly
tried to bite.

Luckily, I was
much younger
and quicker then
and had never had
a drink. Got my
paw out the way
in time whilst the
turtle *snap*ped
the air by its shell
where my hand just
was.

"That's a snapping
turtle" sez the other
good Samaritan
who'd stopped.

"Well, no xit!"

I used a snow
scraper to boost
it on its way.

Thanks for reminding me. Whew.
No, you're right, I was here,
which partially explains why I am here, here now and also why I hate it.

Where I am isn't paradise either.

The snapping turtle thing freaks me out. I always thought of surrealism as a Belgian preoccupation.

C'mon over.

We'll make room.

It'll take just about
the trip flying in
to the airport and
then driving back
here downtown
for you to get the
willies.

You fly in over miles
of pine trees and
the odd road of sand,
and say-
There's an airport here?
as you get closer and
closer to the treetops.

Then you are REALLY
close to the scruffy
tops of the scruffy pines
and you say-
Holy fuck, I hope to
fuck there's a fuckin'
airport here!

And then you land.

At an airport smaller
than a Wal Mart.

That smells weird.
Like mold.

We pick you up
and take you
past the water
treatment plant
and off to
TALLY!

Back past the
underside of
the scruffy pines
you just flew over.

Past the trailers.

The ditches.

The weeds.

The crappy convenience
stores of the south side.

Pervert Pond.

And you'll say-
Holy fuck, fucks
live here?

And then we'll be
downtown and it'll
be alright.

But w/out anything
to do, except have
us for company as
we do the 4-5
things to do around
here.