Enter at your own risk.

The comments by far outdo the original post.

"...purposely laid a tur[d] gently on top of the seat. Weekly."

"...behavior has escalated from peeing with the stall door open..."

"...witnessed a woman at work smearing fecal matter..."

Thanks. That gave a good 20 minutes of reading material.

What are you
pissin' about?

Sally called when she got the word,
She said: "I suppose you've heard -
About Alice".
Well I rushed to the window,
And I looked outside,
But I could hardly believe my eyes -
As a big limousine rolled up
Into Alice's drive...

Oh, I don't know why she's leaving,
Or where she's gonna go,
I guess she's got her reasons,
But I just don't want to know,
'Cos for twenty-four years
I've been living next door to Alice.
Alice, who the fuck is Alice

Twenty-four years just waiting for a chance,
To tell her how I'm feeling, maybe get a second glance,
Now I've got to get used to not living next door to Alice...
Alice, who the fuck is Alice

Grew up together,
Two kids in the park,
Carved our initials,
Deep in the bark,
Me and Alice.
Now she walks through the door,
With her head held high,
Just for a moment, I caught her eye,
As a big limousine pulled slowly
Out of Alice's drive.

Oh, I don't know why she's leaving,
Or where she's gonna go,
I guess she's got her reasons,
But I just don't want to know,
'Cos for twenty-four years
I've been living next door to Alice.
Alice, who the fuck is Alice

Twenty-four years just waiting for a chance,
To tell her how I'm feeling, maybe get a second glance,
Now I gotta get used to not living next door to Alice...
Alice, who the fuck is Alice

Sally called back, asked how I felt,
She said: "I know how to help -
Get over Alice".
She said: "Now Alice is gone,
But I'm still here,
You know I've been waiting
For twenty-four years..."
And the big limousine disappeared...

I don't know why she's leaving,
Or where she's gonna go,
I guess she's got her reasons,
But I just don't want to know,
'Cos for twenty-four years
I've been living next door to Alice.
Alice, who the fuck is Alice

Twenty-four years just waiting for a chance,
To tell her how I feel, and maybe get a second glance,
But I'll never get used to not living next door to Alice...
Alice, who the fuck is Alice

Now I'll never get used to not living next door to Alice...

Sorry,
I couldn't wade through the whole thing.

Although I did used to bang a chick I called Alice.
It wasn't her real name, but she was a waitress in some shitty dive. So... Alice.

I've only heard
that Alice song
sung in pubs in
Ireland.

Good times.

It goes a lot faster if you don't trace each line of text with your finger.
You're not obligated to read the whole thing, either.
Overachieve much?