Full Version: How exactly do i "amuse you"? IX
Looks like a photochop pic.
It is the newest plate highly-protected, hence at first glance looks artificial, so far, as the town's mayor, Siegfried Hauppl reports, it has not been stolen again.
The full article is here, butt written only for the chosen:
http://www.pardon.pl/artykul/3313/najczesc...lica_na_swiecie
The full article is here, butt written only for the chosen:
http://www.pardon.pl/artykul/3313/najczesc...lica_na_swiecie
QUOTE(Louched Liver @ Dec 10 2007, 10:48 AM) 
Ah, well.
My 1st one didn't
last long either.
I hear that most of them don't.
Butt I'm gonna stick around for
this one. That would be worse
punishment for her then me
splittin'.
I just gotta keep myself in
a constant state of....
a constant state of....
Workin' for me. 
oh boy
That ain't the answer Loogie.
It's the answer to
the question:
"Is this relationxip
fucked?"
the question:
"Is this relationxip
fucked?"
True.
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd had in a very long time.
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd had in a very long time.
Butt did he trip balz™ ?
As for relationxips. fucked up ones aren't usually fixable or worth wasting years trying.
Life's too xort.
As for relationxips. fucked up ones aren't usually fixable or worth wasting years trying.
Life's too xort.
Define "fucked up".
All relationships are fucked up,
it's knowing how they are that makes 'em work.
it's knowing how they are that makes 'em work.
Um, yeah,
pretty much.
On a 'cuz
people are
all fucked up.
pretty much.
On a 'cuz
people are
all fucked up.
I met one that wasn't but couldn't stand 'em.
I hope you fucked him up.
QUOTE(G&C @ Dec 12 2007, 07:09 PM)
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd had in a very long time.
That be some bad Jenkem.
And yes people are fucked up.
Relationships are fucked up.
Everything is fucked up.
I'll be o.k. And my
relationship will be o.k.
or it won't. I won't know
'til that happens though.
Nobody ever does.
Butt, thanks for the werdz
of advice.
Guy calls cops and says: Two guys breaking into my garage, send an officer now!
Dispatch: We are very busy now, Sir can you call back later?
Guy hangs up and calls back: Never mind I just shot them both and they are out of commission.
Two minutes later six patrol cars arrive on scene with blazing lights.
They arrest the two suspects and the sergeant comes in as says to the home owner: I thought
you shot them.
He replies: I thought you were busy.
Dispatch: We are very busy now, Sir can you call back later?
Guy hangs up and calls back: Never mind I just shot them both and they are out of commission.
Two minutes later six patrol cars arrive on scene with blazing lights.
They arrest the two suspects and the sergeant comes in as says to the home owner: I thought
you shot them.
He replies: I thought you were busy.
Guy, very depressed, calls Suicide Prevention Hotline.
Call is outsourced to Pakistan,
He: I am depressed and considering suicide.
Person on phone, (Pause) then very excited: can you drive a truck?
Call is outsourced to Pakistan,
He: I am depressed and considering suicide.
Person on phone, (Pause) then very excited: can you drive a truck?
As an ex-New Yorker, I was expecting you to say "cab".
When Ricky found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his
sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
So, one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most
beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath
away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to
her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20
million dollars."
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three
days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at Estate Planning than men
sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
So, one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most
beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath
away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to
her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20
million dollars."
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three
days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at Estate Planning than men
Sum, and the last one especially for our French forumites
I saw this one in Seattle.
Lady, ya are drunk! So,...KEEP IT UP! "Lounge Era" tells it all.
An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.
He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep in a corner.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, resumed his position in the hall, and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks.
Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: 'Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar:
'He lives in a home with ten children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'
He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep in a corner.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, resumed his position in the hall, and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks.
Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: 'Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar:
'He lives in a home with ten children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'
You misspelled-
"cum".
"cum".
I think I know the girl these were made for:
I wanna go to Hell.
Does this mean
even Hell has
pearly gates?
even Hell has
pearly gates?
...™
...™
I love those.
One for the hiring hall:
These will cum in handy at work:
...™
...™
I love Demotivators.
Union Rules & Hookers----
A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las
Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the
first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"
"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered
Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the
street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His
search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam
responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house .
We observe all union rules."
The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" "The
girls get $80 and the house gets $20."
"That's more like it!" the union man said.
He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a
stunningly attractive b londe.
"I'd like her," he said.
"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a
92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority
and according to union rules, she's next."
A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las
Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the
first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"
"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered
Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the
street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His
search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam
responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house .
We observe all union rules."
The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" "The
girls get $80 and the house gets $20."
"That's more like it!" the union man said.
He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a
stunningly attractive b londe.
"I'd like her," he said.
"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a
92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority
and according to union rules, she's next."
I have since ripped up my union card.
One industry where you definitely don't want scabs.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
cid:X.MA1.1200420911@aol.com
DR. PHIL :
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
cid:X.MA2.1200420911@aol.com
OPRAH :
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
cid:X.MA3.1200420911@aol.com
GEORGE W. BUSH :
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
cid:X.MA4.1200420911@aol.com
COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
cid:X.MA5.1200420911@aol.com
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
cid:X.MA6.1200420911@aol.com
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
cid:X.MA7.1200420911@aol.com
NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
cid:X.MA8.1200420911@aol.com
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
cid:X.MA9.1200420911@aol.com
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
cid:X.MA10.1200420911@aol.com
DR SEUSS :
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
cid:X.MA11.1200420911@aol.com
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.
cid:X.MA12.1200420911@aol.com
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain trut h?' That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
cid:X.MA13.1200420911@aol.com
GRANDPA :
In my day we d idn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
cid:X.MA14.1200420911@aol.com
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
cid:X.MA15.1200420911@aol.com
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
cid:X.MA16.1200420911@aol.com
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
cid:X.MA17.1200420911@aol.com
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ........ reboot.
cid:X.MA18.1200420911@aol.com
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
cid:X.MA19.1200420911@aol.com
BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
cid:X.MA20.1200420911@aol.com
AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!
cid:X.MA21.1200420911@aol.com
COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?
cid:X.MA22.1200420911@aol.com
DICK CHENEY :
Where's my gun?
cid:X.MA23.1200420911@aol.com
AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens
I love it! 
The Hemingway one was always my favorite.
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