Full Version: How exactly do i "amuse you"? IX
Not ass.
QUOTE
QUOTE(A.B. Normal @ Feb 11 2008, 05:43 AM) 
...you people have to pick up my slack.
QUOTE(Louched Liver @ Feb 11 2008, 08:35 AM)
I'll take your left butt cheek.
i feel discriminated.
Yer right up
there behind.
there behind.
Pattaya, Thailand: Tongsai Bumroongtai kisses her pet black spotted female frog, Nong Oui, as it sits astride a toy motorbike. Tongsai claims she can also speak to the frog.
And the frog answers.
A frog that exudes
hallucinogens
no doubt.
hallucinogens
no doubt.
A good frog then.
You ever seen a frog
look happier'n that one?
That, my friend, is one
cool Buddha biker frog.
look happier'n that one?
That, my friend, is one
cool Buddha biker frog.
No doubt packin' a
Bedecker to boot.
Bedecker to boot.
When I was a kid, I was told frogs gave you warts.
Was this myth told to anyone else, or was it just reserved for little redneck urchins?
Was this myth told to anyone else, or was it just reserved for little redneck urchins?
I was told that too,
but nothing I tried gave me warts.
but nothing I tried gave me warts.
I was told toads.
No comma - no foul.
No comma - no foul.
I heard frogs were the cause of Cervical Cancer. Maybe Socky knows if it's true.
Socks have cervixes?
After some research
I'm still not sure. Butt
my sock is wet.
I'm still not sure. Butt
my sock is wet.
Ha!
Why, did you join the wrong support group?
I didn't think-
Woggers for Self Destruction
sounded like a good idea.
Woggers for Self Destruction
sounded like a good idea.
That must've hurt:
Must have rectum.
They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail
I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor. She became indignant and informed me she was Educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the Money back .... Same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.
They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail
I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.' 'They're already buy-one-get-one-free,' she said, 'so I guess they're both free'. She handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.
They Walk Among Us!
One day I was walking down the beach with some Friends when one of them shouted, 'Look at that dead bird!'. Someone looked up at the sky and said, 'Where'?
They Walk Among Us!
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real Estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?' When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff.'
They Walk Among Us!!
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center as open. I told him, 'The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.' He responded, 'Is that Eastern or Pacific time?' Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, 'Uh, Pacific.'
They Walk Among Us!
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.
They Walk Among Us!
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The Cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
They Walk Among Us!
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?'
They Walk Among Us!
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man Ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked Him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.'
They Walk Among Us, and they Reproduce, and
Worst of all ............ THEY VOTE!
I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor. She became indignant and informed me she was Educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the Money back .... Same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.
They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail
I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.' 'They're already buy-one-get-one-free,' she said, 'so I guess they're both free'. She handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.
They Walk Among Us!
One day I was walking down the beach with some Friends when one of them shouted, 'Look at that dead bird!'. Someone looked up at the sky and said, 'Where'?
They Walk Among Us!
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real Estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?' When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff.'
They Walk Among Us!!
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center as open. I told him, 'The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.' He responded, 'Is that Eastern or Pacific time?' Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, 'Uh, Pacific.'
They Walk Among Us!
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.
They Walk Among Us!
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The Cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
They Walk Among Us!
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?'
They Walk Among Us!
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man Ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked Him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.'
They Walk Among Us, and they Reproduce, and
Worst of all ............ THEY VOTE!
See? It IS Apocalypse.
Wrecked
um
pack-o-lips
um
pack-o-lips
It's a PacoLips
indy-cater only
because none
were Polish.
indy-cater only
because none
were Polish.
The pointy head was pointing out
that when the Polish way of doing all things
spreads throughout the world the world
is nigh to being polished off.
that when the Polish way of doing all things
spreads throughout the world the world
is nigh to being polished off.
The strongest survive...
Buh, bye now...
If he hurries before the flood, he will find shelter in Poland or the other half of Germany.
I wish I lived in those times when there was no Poland on the map.
Austro-Hungarian Empire-good olde times, indeed.
Three Rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower - Cooter, Pete
and KC.
As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Pete says, "Well, damn, someone should go and tell his wife."
KC says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive shit, I'll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.
Pete says, "Where did you get that beer, KC?"
"Cooter's wife gave it to me," KC replies."
That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead
and she gave you beer?"
"Well, not exactly, KC says. "When she answered the door, I said to her,
you must be Cooter's widow. "
She said, "You must be mistaken, I'm not a widow."
Then I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are."
Rednecks are good at that sensitive stuff.
and KC.
As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Pete says, "Well, damn, someone should go and tell his wife."
KC says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive shit, I'll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.
Pete says, "Where did you get that beer, KC?"
"Cooter's wife gave it to me," KC replies."
That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead
and she gave you beer?"
"Well, not exactly, KC says. "When she answered the door, I said to her,
you must be Cooter's widow. "
She said, "You must be mistaken, I'm not a widow."
Then I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are."
Rednecks are good at that sensitive stuff.
Hillary Clinton, the lead Presidential Democratic
Party candidate is for banning all guns in America.
She is considered by those who have dealt with her
as a little more than just a little
self-righteous.
At a recent rural elementary school meeting in north Florida
she asked the kids audience for total quiet.
Then, in the silence, she started to slowly clap her
hands, once every few seconds.
Holding the audience in total silence, she said into the microphone,
"Every time I clap my hands, a child in America dies from gun violence."
A young voice with a proud southern accent (probably Little Johnny)
from the front of the crowd pierced the quiet!
"Well, stop clappin', ya stupid bitch!
Party candidate is for banning all guns in America.
She is considered by those who have dealt with her
as a little more than just a little
self-righteous.
At a recent rural elementary school meeting in north Florida
she asked the kids audience for total quiet.
Then, in the silence, she started to slowly clap her
hands, once every few seconds.
Holding the audience in total silence, she said into the microphone,
"Every time I clap my hands, a child in America dies from gun violence."
A young voice with a proud southern accent (probably Little Johnny)
from the front of the crowd pierced the quiet!
"Well, stop clappin', ya stupid bitch!
QUOTE
She is considered by those who have dealt with her
as a little more than just a little
self-righteous.
as a little more than just a little
self-righteous.
Quite the euphemism. However, when are you people going to stop electing politicians according to whether you'd like them as a son/daughter-in-law?
If I were you, I'd rather have a smart conceited president than a stupid sympathetic one. Of course, I confess I have more empathy with the former ;).
QUOTE(balzdeep @ Mar 6 2008, 06:25 AM)
"Well, stop clappin', ya stupid bitch!
Prolly Chonger's son.
Witty, rhetorically brilliant, and totally missing the point. With that attitude, you can become Prime Minister in this country (Guy Verhofstadt is well known for his ability to ad-lib just as effectively as this).
Take it to the political xithole. 
Both-a-yous.
I've heard that joke told before
but with Bono preaching at a concert.
His clapping was for kids dying of starvation in Africa.
but with Bono preaching at a concert.
His clapping was for kids dying of starvation in Africa.
That's how I heard it too.
OK, now that's just mean. But make it puppies being gassed, then you are onto something...
Didn't mean to spurn any political debate, and apologize if did so. Could have been Rush Limbaugh clapping for Iraqi children getting maimed, Ralph Nader clapping for spotted-owls getting dropped on their heads, or even Grim clapping for the pugs that have gotten away, would have thought it was funny just for the little Johnny aspect just the same.
But then again I think the "It'th a dead horth ya fuckin' i'eot" is the best joke ever...
Didn't mean to spurn any political debate, and apologize if did so. Could have been Rush Limbaugh clapping for Iraqi children getting maimed, Ralph Nader clapping for spotted-owls getting dropped on their heads, or even Grim clapping for the pugs that have gotten away, would have thought it was funny just for the little Johnny aspect just the same.
But then again I think the "It'th a dead horth ya fuckin' i'eot" is the best joke ever...
GayBoy, don't post any more picture like this again.
Makes me cry.
Makes me cry.
Sorry, mean picture gone.
Short story on it,
It was taken By Kevin Carter in 1993 in Sudan,
he and another photographer were dropped off in a camp and told they had 30 minutes until it was time to leave. Many parents left their children on the ground to get food rations being handed out meters away, he got that shot at the time, the vulture flew away and he left.
No one knows what happened to the child.
In April of 1994 he won a Pulitzer prise for the shot,
he was called a vulture for shotting it and not helping.
In July of 1994 due to mounting debt and haunted by that image and many others he took at that time,
plus all the brutality he documented during apartheid in the mid-80s
he killed himself at 33.
The original pic I wanted to post but couldn't find
was an inspirational poster with that pic and the words
OPPORTUNITY
take it when you can get it
Short story on it,
It was taken By Kevin Carter in 1993 in Sudan,
he and another photographer were dropped off in a camp and told they had 30 minutes until it was time to leave. Many parents left their children on the ground to get food rations being handed out meters away, he got that shot at the time, the vulture flew away and he left.
No one knows what happened to the child.
In April of 1994 he won a Pulitzer prise for the shot,
he was called a vulture for shotting it and not helping.
In July of 1994 due to mounting debt and haunted by that image and many others he took at that time,
plus all the brutality he documented during apartheid in the mid-80s
he killed himself at 33.
The original pic I wanted to post but couldn't find
was an inspirational poster with that pic and the words
OPPORTUNITY
take it when you can get it
All of a Sudan,
I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
A friend of mine (pro. photog)
turned me on to him.
If you want xit to make you cry check out my good friend Ben's website,
I'm sad he and his wife moved to DC, but I'll have plenty of chances to visit them in the future.
turned me on to him.
If you want xit to make you cry check out my good friend Ben's website,
I'm sad he and his wife moved to DC, but I'll have plenty of chances to visit them in the future.
QUOTE(mthuilli @ Mar 6 2008, 11:47 AM)
GayBoy, don't post any more picture like this again.
Makes me cry.
I felt bad for the vulture. He was facing a lot of work for not much meat.
RETIREMENT PLANNING FOR 2008
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00.
With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.
If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling, you would have had $214.00.
So, based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
It's called the 401-Keg Plan
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00.
With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.
If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling, you would have had $214.00.
So, based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
It's called the 401-Keg Plan
Sweet!
QUOTE(G&C @ Mar 16 2008, 02:16 AM)
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. [color=#000000][font=Arial][size=2][font=Times][size=3]
I work for Nortel, since 1998, thanks for reminding me I have quite a few of those stocks.
"Retirement" is so 20th century. I am working on semi-retirement. I work 32hrs for the paltry benefits and do my own thing the rest of the time. Life's too xort to waste slavin' full-time for a future that might not exist. If I can find a way to work at home or drop out entirely I'll do it.
Less, less, less is
the key.
The more you're willing
to do w/less, the more
free ya be.
the key.
The more you're willing
to do w/less, the more
free ya be.
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