Short's is a just plain
great brew pub in the
fuckin' middle of nowhere.

16 beers on tap w/only
7.5 barrel brew kettle and
all of them are at least
very good.

We go here a lot and
Mick+3X5 voluteer to
help at beer festivals
for the owner.

After meeting up w/some
other fucks, we headed
onward to Pearl's
a surprisingly good New
Orleans style joint, again,
in the middle of nowhere,
but a long drive from the
other middle of nowhere
which is still a long drive
from the middle of nowhere
where Mick+3X5 live.

Good BM:

The next night was when
we went to the hockey
game in Traverse.

I headed south to Lansing
via Grand Rapids to drop
off Vlad to my fuckhead
brother.

I was going to stay w/
Postal Lee in GR, who
was also going to pick
me up in Lansing and
drag my ass back.

I passed him on the highway.

Gave him a call.
Lee-
Hey, what's up?

Me-
I'm in front of you.

In front of me?

*brake lights, brake lights, brake lights*

I see ya!

So, he was following me.
And then he wasn't.

Oops. A radiator hose
came loose.

He had it fixed by the
time I got backtracked.

Dropped off Vlad in
Lansing and raced a
blizzard back to GR.

Had a pizza and some
beers in downtown
Sparta, got to Postal
Lee's and the snow and
wind started.

Next day's paper:

The roads were xit...

...so we went out for beers and nachos.

Dos XX.

The next day was the final
leg and it turned out to be
a doozy.

My itinerary said I had a
Northwest flight. And to
check in at the airport
w/Atlantic Southeast.

Saw my NW flight was on
time, didn't see that
Atlantic SE even exists.

Headed for the airport
and Postal Lee takes a
wrong turn. uh, oh

And there's construction
at the main
terminal entrance.

More uh, oh.

So, I go to NW and
try to use the kiosk
because I'm running
close at this point and
it tells me to see an
agent.

Agent tells me to use
a different kiosk, this
one at the counter.

Says to see an agent.

What flight are you on?
she axes me.

Atlanta, 2:50.

Oh! You're on Delta!

*trudge, trudge, trudge*

Try to check in.

We're short one.
the agent sez.

Well, yeah, fuckstick,
that'd be me.

Nope, they've closed the
door. It's a 2:45 flight.
I'm told.

Um, no, it's a 2:50 flight.

Tough xit was pretty much
what I got.
And put on the 5:20.

Which got delayed to 7:15.
Which left at 6:45.

So, I arrived in Atlanta w/an
hour to spare and only 3
gates away from my final
flight to Tally!

Only that flight got
zapped.

Scanned my ticket under
some scanner thingy and
I got 2 $7 meal vouchers,
2 hotel vouchers and a
choice of 2 flights the
next day.

Fuck that.

I'm ready to walk the fuck
home at this point.

I pick up the black
Delta courtesy telephone
and get a flight to
Jackson(off)ville in a
couple minutes, from
E terminal.

I'm in D.

I go downstairs to catch
the subway thing and hear:
Next stop terminal C. C
as in yer a stupid Cunthead
and this is heading the
wrong way.

uh, oh

I ride the fuckin' thing
all the way to the wrong
end and then back again.

I've got 20 minutes to
catch my flight or I'm fucked.

Other losers are in a jog
w/me, exhorted on by Delta
staff-
Run! Hurry!

Get there, get on the plane.

*huff, huff, huff*

Just an announcement ladies
and gentlemen, our flight crew
has yet to board the plane. We
are hoping they will be arriving
shortly.

Great.

And then an entire
Chinese village proceeds
to enter the plane and
fill all the remaining
seats.

But, amazingly, the crew
xows up and we take off.

After the power goes out
a couple times.

I think the crew was as
ready to just keep goin'
as the rest of us. Fuck
power, lets go!

Got to JAX w/Peeps, bless
her heart for moving me
up a notch on her scale of
importance, on the way.

The luggage lazily circles.
Stops.
Is joined by other by other
wheeled bits of cordura.
Save one.

Guess what!

So I go to the little
luggage lost counter
and other fuckers are
being told-
Your luggage is at so
and so and should be
here tomorrow.

My turn.

Any idea where it is?

Um, it should be here...

So, no idea?

Um, no.

2 iPods, camera, expensive razor and brush, etc...

Peeps gets there,
runs me home.

I get phone 2 phone calls
the next day from little lost
luggage and the xit's delivered
that afternoon.

I"ve had some great nights
of sleep since being back
and got all my chores caught
up as well.

End of story.

I'm gonna get
a cheap bottle
of wine and some
generic lemon/lime
soda.

Is BM an abbreviation for Bowel Movement?

And thanks for the Story. I haven't been able to travel in awhile so I like reading about others, especially when it involves drunken craziness. Thanks again for lunch.

And you're back where you started.

Glad you stopped by.

Only back where I started
from geographically my
friend.

For Google Mappers:
Tally to
Atlanta to
Austinville, Va to
Norfolk, Va to
Washington, DC to
New York City to
Boston to
Allentown, Pa to
Traverse City, Mi to
Mancelona, Mi to
Elk Rapids Mi (for dinner) to
Traverse City, Mi to
Lansing, Mi to
Sparta, Mi.

I sincerely doubt I'll ever
do it again. More money,
more time, and a traveling
companion would all
help since the insane
exuberance of youth has
dissipated.

OK, next time skip Elk Rapids.

kerouac would be proud.

now where's the rest of the pics?

some sounds and tunes to go with the story...

The music was provided
by my iPod on shuffle.
About 10% of the
9,245 on it.

The rest of the pics
are on this here
computer, along w/
some incriminating
video.

Anyone who knows me
knows I could talk
about any of this
xit for a good long
time offline.

See me sometime.

A grate adventure! You're always welcome in Xit City.

Ms Prole was entertained by this Bukowsky like saga as well.

Thanks to you both
again for the hospitality.

And yer welcome lil'
Pig Poker.

Very entertaining 12 pages.
Bravo.

I did let you say a few words on the second day.
Not many I can talk to in Austinville.

Not many people in
Austinville
period.

Appendix:
Around where I
used to have one
I gained about
8 lbs on the trip.

You'd be less calloused if'n you used that Monkeybutt.

True dat.

That fuckin' seat
in Vlad was insanely
uncomfortable and
impossible to make
not so.

I even caught a dull
ache at the root of
me mannish root.

Too many Wheat Thins will do that to ya.

Any Weight Thins
and I'll take a
dirt nap.