Step back from your computer and put your cell phone down! You maybe be suffering from an obsessive mental disorder.

On the other hand, coming here is indicative of an even worse one.


And if your reading this in Poland -- well it's too late.

I already got a pm asking
if I thought this was a problem.

Just half past 8 pm. I check fora in the morning or in the evening, I have a vibe in the celly and I answer it when it is really urgent. If I am outta net fer 3 days (while in warsaw) I usually find up 10 mails in my inbox, so not much, I believe. If I agree wholeheartedly agree that iffen here, in Poland, there are people who cannot live without their laptop, celly, e-mail checking, chat-partakin', what not. The longest time I have had the net on it was 14 hrs, butt I was cummin' to it from time to time, mainly it was on fer the purpose of movies-downloadin'.

The evidence is that you are still spending too much time online.

Today it is just 2 hours 48 mins and 35 secs. How much is too much then, when it is so little?

Like he needs to spend that time drinking.

There is always a good excuse fer both.

Who'd believe it?

Tits rational
-izing?

Yup, I know, sign of Apocalypse.

It's still early.

And it's way too much
if there's time for him
post here.

There shall be always time fer postin' especially here.

especially
espexially
expedtially
edspedxally
speddeshly
speciously
xpedixilly
sspoiulllyx
peedbedfully

Sadly.

Ah, it makes the kid
happy.

Just don't
let 'im offer you his
pickle.

Pre-browned pikkles
are a turn off for me.

Brown yr own.

I, sir, am not a circus act.

His oven's on 24/7
for picklin' fun.

Oh, w/some else...

Whothefuck is Tart Bobette?


Hyramtown refugee or puppet?

Jus' another soul lookin' fer a site that doesn't shill its owns swill.

We're too busy drinkin' to shill.

When ya shill, ya do too much maths (what is highly overrated) and that prevents ya from drinkin'.

I don't know, what?

Maths, of course.

That doesn't add up.

Just as OC's decimal explanations to back up his reviews' scores.

What do you expect from a Pinhead!?

Need energy? Drink Pussy.

um, after drinking a drink named such, I am concerned that I could likely spend the next few hours picking dark and curlies from my teeth an coughing them from the back of my throat. Maybe they should advertise how the drink really looks when you get it off the shelf...

A Texas cowboy walked into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The elderly woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and as she and her also widowed elderly sister owned the store, there were no males employed there. She then asked if she could help the gentleman.

The cowpoke said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist. The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.

The old bronco-buster agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it." The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."

When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length, and the
Absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3,000 a month, plus living expenses.

Our school had our prom this weekend. The student council, based on popular vote, arranged for the prom to be held at the racing museum in Talledega.

This shit is surreal. I keep expecting Nicholas Cage to walk in with a 'panty on his head' and ask me for a box of Huggies.

My wife just sent me this:

That she needed to email to you should be a clue.

Alleged penis-snatchers spark panic in Congo

Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.


The rest of the story

Is that how Dinky became dinky?

That was genetics
and friction.

I call it Irish Magic.

An inspired photographer.


Joshua Hoffine Photography

Mr. Krueger?

As a mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?" The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone." The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. When he questioned her as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband! Please, go away and leave me alone." A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that now familiar buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room. She cautiously entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, staring at the TV with the vibrator next to him buzzing like crazy. The wife shrieked, "What the hell are you doing?!" The husband replied, "I'm watching the ball game with my son-in-law."

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, 'Dark in here.' The man says, 'Yes , it is.'
Boy - 'I have a baseball.'
Man - 'That's nice.'
Boy - 'Want to buy it?'
Man - 'No, thanks.'
Boy - 'My dad's outside.'
Man - 'OK, how much?'
Boy - '$150.'
Man - 'Sold.'

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the?boy and the lover are in the c loset together.

Boy - 'Dark in here.'
Man - 'Yes, it is.'
Boy - 'I have a Wilson infielder's glove.'
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'How much?'
Boy - '$350.'
Man - 'Highway robbery. Sold.'

A few days later , the father says to the boy , 'Grab your gloves, let's go outside and have a game of catch.'

The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and my glove.' The father asks, 'How much did you sell them for?' The boy says , '$500.'

The father says, 'That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... That is way more than those two things cost.

I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed.' They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The priest says, 'Don't start that shit again, you're in my closet now

Ditto!

Woodn't a priest have expected to get
his hands on the boy's bat, as well?

Ronnie Wood wants your dwarves

Ronnie Wood wants dwarfs at daughter Leah's wedding
Last Updated: 12:33PM BST 05/06/2008

The Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood is recruiting five dwarfs to perform at
the wedding of his daughter Leah.

The rock star, 61, want actors dressed as "mischievous, giggling
little imps" to play pranks on guests such as snatching the women's
hats.

"They're working on a theme based on the character of Puck - the
cheeky sprite from Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream," a wedding
source told The Sun newspaper.

Miss Wood, a 29-year-old model who also sings in a rock band, is
marrying Jack MacDonald, a television producer and her boyfriend of 11
years, on June 21 - the day of summer solstice.

The couple, who share a home in London, got engaged during a family
holiday in Kenya in January last year.

The dwarves will be expected to sign confidentiality contracts banning
them from disclosing the antics of the celebrity guests.

The supermodel Kate Moss, 34, and the Rolling Stone Mick Jagger's
model daughter Lizzie, 24, are expected to attend.

The Rolling Stones will also play during the celebration at Wood's
mansion in Kingston-on-Thames, Surrey.

A spokesman for Wood confirmed that dwarves were "one of the ideas
that's been discussed".

He added: "We want to keep back a few surprises for guests.

Kewel, Betty can get a gig as one of the "surprises".

Damn, Cros, yr
fucking evil.
The groom cd be
rendered impotent
from such a sight.