Help - Search - Members - Calendar
Full Version: balzdeepdownunder
The Misfit Absinthe Forum > The Town Square > The Public Eye
TheGreenOne
QUOTE
Man said 'wombat rape' led to accent change

A New Zealand man who claimed he was raped by a wombat and that the experience left him speaking with an Australian accent has been found guilty of wasting police time.

Arthur Cradock, 48, from the South Island town of Motueka, called police last month to tell them he was being raped by the marsupial at his home and needed urgent assistance.

Cradock, an orchard worker, later called back to reassure the police operator that he was all right

"I’ll retract the rape complaint from the wombat, because he’s pulled out. Apart from speaking Australian now, I’m pretty all right you know. I didn’t hurt my bum at all."

He pleaded guilty in Nelson District Court to using a phone for a fictitious purpose and was sentenced to 75 hours’ community work.

Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court that alcohol played a large role in Cradock’s life.

Judge Richard Russell said he was not sure what had motivated Cradock to make the extraordinary claim.

In sentencing Cradock, he warned him not to do it again.

Wombats are native to Australia and are not found in New Zealand. Although powerfully built and about the size of a small pig, they are very rarely dangerous. There are three species: the widely distributed common wombat and the much rarer southern and northern hairy-nosed wombats.
absinthist
It musta been that hairy-nosed one.
Bognoz
Being fucked by a Polish wombat
malforms your ability to type.

Or so I've read.
absinthist
In Czeckerland newspaper I bet?
Bognoz
Nowiny Gazeta Codzienna
absinthist
Whene have ya been to my neck of woods and haven't paid a visit? Ya preferred Polish wombat anal rape, I see.
Bognoz
Couldn't find a wombat
so I settled for a haircut.
absinthist
Ya missed all the fun. Our wombats are well-trained.
Bognoz
Oh, no, I went to the erotic
frizzeur and had her
shave my pubic beard.
absinthist
I am xure wombat wuz hidin' in da alley.
Bognoz
Your back alley is prolly the
perfect environment for wombats.
absinthist
If only we had any wombats here. Stop deludin' yerself, Buhhy. Ha!

Talkin' of delusions, what are ya searchin' most of the time for at FV?
Bognoz
If only you'd
quit cross dressin'
yr addresses the
wombat wd be
willin'.

Bognoz
But I'm not
onacuz you
leave me limp.
absinthist
Ya know my address well just as the fucks around here. I will wombat, butt he might say no.
Bognoz
Crawl outta yr own
ass and greet
reality, wood ya?
Bognoz
Wombat man.
absinthist
QUOTE(Bognoz @ Mar 28 2008, 03:58 PM) *

Crawl outta yr own
ass and greet
reality, wood ya?


Reality doesn't louche properly. Ya think if I ever appreciate it, Kyle will get betterer sales?
Bognoz
Yr reality is completely
opaque to the rest of us.
Bognoz
Even troubled.
Bognoz
That is to say
deeply troubling.
Bognoz
Wombat clause.
G&C
FUCK OFF.
Both of you.
Bognoz
Is that an Australian accent
I detect?
Louched Liver
HA!
Louched Liver
Titswit da Wombat Wuvver.
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.
Invision Power Board © 2001-2008 Invision Power Services, Inc.