when i write haiku
i count on my fingertips.
chew gum and walk too!

Don't beat yourself up
Even the Nips do it too
Practice makes perfect

Is it better to
call them slopes or nips? I heard
they like gooks as well.

I like to use 'Nips'
I find it more respectful
Than 'gooks,' 'slopes,' or 'chinks'

Shut up ya cracker
You too, potato-eater
Gotta be PC

Then you oughta hear
How the devious slant-eyes
Talk about us folks

i would love to know
how to speak japanese. I
want to be ninja.

seriously though,
i love learning about the
asian way of life.

since i am going
on vacation in five hours,
i must do some work.

although i hate to
leave this great discussion now,
must work for the man.

But you are too big
You can not be a ninja
Stick to the whiskey

Lesson number one:
There is no such thing as the
'Asian Way of Life'

Japan and China
Are nothing alike at all.
Like fish and rabbits.

Mmmmm....
fish and rabbits....

too big for ninja
too small to be a sumo
how about a samurai?

sorry for the foul.
i could not use japanese
two more syllables.

I well understand.
My personal Waterloo
was 'Vietnamese.'

New style of kung fu,
Just for big man like CeeGee.
Call it the "gay bear."

i actually did
Laugh Out Loud but did not Roll
On The Floor Laughing

Ass peanuts and slurs,
a whole exchange in Haiku —
at last, I am home.

Welcome home, my dear.
We have been waiting for you.
What is on your mind?

how interesting
i thought for sure that this place
would suit you better.

All of my hardware
and security needs are
met, I assure you.

Hehe I knew it!
We knew you had the knockers,
unsure of the knob.

Sorry to hear that.
Lots of men have that concern.
Worry makes it worse.

...and exhaustion, and
so does excessive drinking.
Viagra can help.

oops, i should have typed
"your" instead of "the" prior
to the word knob. Doh!

i am not unsure
of my knob. For I know that
it is laughable.

Better to have laughed
and lost then never to have
laughed at it at all

Unreasonable —
my boss expects me to work.
See you all later.

i am having a
similar problem, peepers.
lounge pulls me back in.

You are both busy
Me? I ain't got shit to do.
The cubicle curse.

I should be working
but I am apathetic.
The short-timer's curse.

Gimme some booty
gimme gimme gimme yeah
Eskimos are fat

Satan is master
All hail lucifer rising
Merry Christmas mom

Gabba gabba hey
I wanna be sedated
Punk rock all the way

Two Ramones are dead
Joe Strummer is six feet deep
Goodbye cruel world

Post 500 close
one more Haiku and I'm there
What a fucking waste :dickheadlosershitforbrainsgoatsuckerripoffartist!:

I know your mom well,
I pork her each Christmas eve.
I will pork dad too.

Go Porkpie!

Finger sandwiches
Brain pudding and lung custard
Cannibal Christmas

Erect nipples yearn
500 love triangles
from Porkios mouth

My hand is frozen
It makes beautiful music
Sing along with hand

No offense taken
my mom is a drunken whore
she gave you the clap

We drink cups of milk
The pigeons eat our fingers
Somewhere a girl laughs

sweet motherfucking
christ. you guys are having all
the fun while i work.

i feel like a bad,
neglectful parent because
i couldn't be here.

stupid fucking job
why do you make me work?
i like to waste time

A ghostly figure
I'm trying to make my lunch
The mayo is gone

i think Porkio's
mom gave me the clap as well.
pork, slap her for me?

Some parting words:


Merry Christmas folks
And a Happy New Year too
Then to Hell with you

why would you fuck mom?
she is gross and fat and old
you are desperate

A bag of old toes
Garnish with parsley and sage
Serve warm with cornbread