That's ..... really ........ disturbing.

DG

You're One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest!
by Ken Kesey
You're crazy. This has led people to attempt to confine you to a safe place so that you don't pose a danger to yourself or others. You feel like you pose a great danger to the man (or maybe the woman) or whatever else is keeping you down. But most of the time, you just end up being observed. Were you crazy before you were confined?

You fuckers fixed this didn't ya, just admit it godamnit.

You're a bit paranoid. Perhaps '1984' would have been a better title for you.

Just accept your freakishness and move on. You're in good company.

One of us .... one of us ...... gooble gobble, gooble gobble .... one of us ....

DG

...

You're Mother Night!
by Kurt Vonnegut
Nobody knows what to believe about you, and you know least of all. You spent most of your time convinced that the ends justify the means, but your means were, well, downright mean! And the end is nigh. Meanwhile all you want is to travel back in time, if not to change, then to just delight in the way it used to be. You are who you pretend to be. Oh yes, you're the great pretender.


Hmmm.... that's interesting...

I'm "Cry, the Beloved Country!" by Alan Paton.

"Life is exceedingly difficult right now, especially when you put more miles between yourself and your hometown. But with all sorts of personal and profound convictions, you are able to keep a level head and still try to help folks, no matter how much they harm you. You walk through a land of natural beauty and daily horror. In the end, far too much is a matter of black and white."

Well, at least one is accurate.

Spot on.
I do better with greys.

Hi, Grey. It's good to see you. All of the black and white has been getting to me.

You're Lolita!
by Vladimir Nabokov
Considered by most to be depraved and immoral, you are obsessed with sex. What really tantalizes you is that which deviates from societal standards in every way, though you admit that this probably isn't the best and you're not sure what causes this desire. Nonetheless, you've done some pretty nefarious things in your life, and probably gotten caught for them. The names have been changed, but the problems are real. Please stay away from children.



Thank heaven for little girls. . .

...for little girls get bigger everyday ....

DG

I'm late to this post but WTF:

You're Adventures of Huckleberry Finn!
by Mark Twain
With an affinity for floating down the river, you see things in black and white. The world is strange and new to you and the more you learn about it, the less it makes sense. You probably speak with an accent and others have a hard time understanding you and an even harder time taking you seriously. Nevertheless, your adventurous spirit is admirable. You really like straw hats.

Some is accurate. The straw hats I can take or leave.

I am

You're Watership Down!
by Richard Adams
Though many think of you as a bit young, even childish, you're actually incredibly deep and complex. You show people the need to rethink their assumptions, and confront them on everything from how they think to where they build their houses. You might be one of the greatest people of all time. You'd be recognized as such if you weren't always talking about talking rabbits.

The only talking rabbits I talk about are from Donnie Darko, though.

Pisces Drinking style: If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard that you share a sign -- and an addictive personality -- with Liz Taylor, Liza Minelli and Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy, out-there feeling that only hooch can give, but they build up a mighty tolerance fast. Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other hand, theyre fabulously enchanting partners, whether in conversation or in crime. With the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and wind up in bed together for days. The phrase "addictive personality" can be read two ways, you know.


What's your drinking style?

the questions were tough on this one.

Jesus that's pretty scary.

A truly cool book.

'Sagittarius Drinking style When battered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of their own. Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with. This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?). They're the people who chat up everyone in the room, then persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub, or a playground, or Cancun. Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high possibility of loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).'


These quizzes are really starting to make me look bad.

To who?

i think she forgot who she was talking to.

drunken debauchery is a badge of honor here.

Aquarius Drinking style: Aquarius and drinking don't go together that well (except for water, that is). They have an innate tendency toward know-it-allism, and if they get an idea while sizzled, they're more stubborn than a stain or a stone. If they're throwing a party or organizing an outing, however, they're too preoccupied with their duties to get combative -- and they make perfectly charming drunks in that case. Fortunately, they're usually capital drink-nursers. They also make the best-designated drivers (if you can get them before they start raising their wrist): Aquarius is fascinated by drunken people and capable of holding interesting conversations with soused strangers while sober.

>You tell me...

I would, if not for that aforementioned innate tendency.

Cancer Drinking style: Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine with dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't it, Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must guard against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret parties and insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true Hollywood style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and emotional" (read: weepy when lubricated). But there's nothing better than swapping stories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your favorite Cancer. Even your second-favorite Cancer will do. The sign also rules the flavor vanilla, and you'd be adored if you served up vanilla vodka and soda.

Nope, well maybe some of it.

Scorpio Drinking style: Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for they'll smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they're hog whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to drink, and screw you if you have a problem with that. Most of them see the sauce as something to savor in itself, and not as a personality-altering tool -- though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek total obliteration. But generally, they're fascinating drinking pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying flirts. They also remember everything -- especially what you did when you were blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.

Virgo Drinking style: Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other signs, sure -- but it could also lead to drinking booze neat, to sucking down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully shellacked -- but, oh, when they do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low level of intelligence tonight." A toast to the subgenius IQ!

Am I worthy? Let's see...


Check. Never, ever contradict a scorpio.

Strangely, my wife's opinion on the same matter seems quite different, even though she's living proof there is truth in the aforementioned advice.


Check. They'll smirk at you for no apparent reason, too.


Check. Of course, that means all those non-scorpio are all just closet t-jone lovers; it's just that they don't dare out themselves out of fear for the Wrath of the (Self-)Righteous Scorpios.


No informed opinion (yet).


Your words, not mine. Not that I'd want to question the voice of authority, of course.


Check


Check. Of course, I like you *all* .

Capricorn Drinking style:
Capricorn is usually described as practical, steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no wonder they get left off the astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David Bowie and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis.
Capricorn is the true rock star: independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to please. And if they make money being themselves, who are you to quibble?
But just like most rock stars, they're either totally on or totally off, and they generally need a little social lubricant to loosen up and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hook up with a cute groupie.

Mostly hokum, except for the thing about the groupies.

Gemini Drinking style: Geminis can drink without changing their behavior much -- they're so naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it's just hard to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with finesse and allusions, then doing something to belie an extremely advanced state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Geminis possess the magic ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very tricky) with several people at once. They like to order different cocktails every round -- repetition is boring -- and may create a theme (like yellow drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.

So that's why I keep getting thrown out of bars, keep going to jail, and wake up bleeding?

Sagittarius Drinking style When battered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of their own. Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with. This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?). They're the people who chat up everyone in the room, then persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub, or a playground, or Cancun. Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high possibility of loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).

I knew I shared a bday with Sinatra but, I didn't know Keith, the twins and Anna were in the same sign.
LF04 here I come. Watch out for that loopy groping.

Aries Drinking style: Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes don't know when to call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to closing time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they get mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk is a good way to get what you want out of them, should other methods fail. Aries can become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume that whatever happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be counted on to do the same for you -- so long as you haven't gone and done anything really horrible to them last night.

Gonna be at LCLF, Raindog?

Taurus:
Drinking style:
Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow glow rather than a full on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is a one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers, the preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say that the Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god, no. A squiffy Taurus will get, er, gregarious (full of loudmouth soup, some would say) and is extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.

Capricorn Drinking style:

Capricorn is usually described as practical, steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no wonder they get left off the astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David Bowie and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis.

Capricorn is the true rock star: independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to please. And if they make money being themselves, who are you to quibble?

But just like most rock stars, they're either totally on or totally off, and they generally need a little social lubricant to loosen up and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hook up with a cute groupie.

You know, I've been looking for cute groupies my whole life. Where the hell were they when I needed them?

Sorry, it's that whole Capricorn-rock star thing...

DG

No such luck Jack-O, damned schedule won't allow it. We'll have to contain ourselves until LF04.

WTF is squiffy?

Drunk

Squiffy?
Full Depends.

You're Compassion Fatigue
by Susan Moeller

You used to care, but now it's just getting too difficult. You cared
about the plight of people in lands near and far, but now the media has bombarded you
with images of suffering to the point that you just don't have the energy to go on.
You've become cold and heartless, as though you'd lived in New York City for a year or
so. But you stand as a serious example to all others that they should turn off their TV
sets and start caring again.


And that horoscope is scarily right (Aries). Enough so that I am on a little break right now.

When a squid gets an erection.

DG

damn, think about it....all those arms to masturbate with......

And poor you w/no dick.

He's got plenty of dicks in this place...

DG

and you with an ENORMUS DICK that's too ancient to work.

It won't let me take the drinking style quiz!

um, ok.

what sign are you?

Fish!

Oh, so it just tells you based on your sign?
Don't I get to answer questions or something?
Nevermind then, 'cause there's already a Pisces posted.
I'm gonna go look at it and tell you if it's correct.

Ummm.....
Yep.